


Holiday

by nicotine_annd_faded_dreams



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mentions of Sex, failed blow job, lilo isn't really that major, lots and lots of kissing, quite a bit of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-03 11:50:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1743689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicotine_annd_faded_dreams/pseuds/nicotine_annd_faded_dreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn really does have to pee but he honestly just wanted to get away from Harry. Not that he doesn't like Harry because he does and that's the problem. He can't like Harry because Harry's straight.</p><p> </p><p>AU Where Zayn's friends decide to call a lads holiday after a break is called between Zayn and his boyfriend and he ends up meeting an incredibly charming and incredibly straight Harry Styles on the plane ride there where Harry makes a complete ass of himself and when they end up seeing each other again Harry's absolutely determined to redeem himself whether Zayn's having it or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This kinda started because of [this](http://nicotine-annd-faded-dreams.tumblr.com/post/87836576451) and [this](http://zerrieisfakerthanfake.tumblr.com/post/87831052694/zayncangetsome-x) and I thought I'd make a little story about Zayn and Harry meeting on a plane and then later seeing each other again. Enjoy! (:

Zayn Malik started the day as he normally did; slowly and lazily blinking awake to the sun peeking through the hideous curtains his boyfriend had picked out and personally put up himself a few months ago. With a stretch and a groan he sluggishly makes his way to the bathroom for a quick wee. He takes in the eerie silence of the house, his mind playing over the past 24 hours as he crawls back into bed.

He can't remember the last time he woke up without the smell of freshly made coffee - which he was never keen on - or without all the incredibly loud noises his boyfriend could make in an effort to wake him. He was never one for lazy morning which Zayn definitely wasn't missing right now as he cuddles back into his duvet sleepily. It wasn’t his fault, this break, honest it wasn’t. He didn’t even see the problem really, so he didn’t want to go out to some stupid dinner with his boyfriend’s parents? If it were him that didn’t want to go to dinner with Zayn’s parents, Zayn wouldn’t have minded. In fact Zayn probably would have agreed with it so he really didn't see the problem.

“Zaynie! Wake up, wake up, wake up!” Come the shouts of his best friend Louis. He responds with a grunt and pulls the covers over his head. “C’mon Zed, we’ve got a surprise for you!” Louis jumps onto the bed, sitting on his torso. “Go away, how did you even get in my house?” Zayn grumbles, effortlessly trying to push Louis off. “We’ve been friends how long? Of course I know where your spare is hidden.” He peeks his head out to be met with a widely grinning blue eyed boy.

“What do you lot want?” he mutters grumpily. “Like Lou said, we’ve got a surprise for you,” Liam chimes now. “What kind of surprise?” Zayn asks wearily and they both break into wide smiles.

-

 

Harry Styles happily packed for his holiday after his usual morning routine of going for a run then having a shower. He’d barely gotten any sleep last night thinking about finally getting to see his best friend after months – what felt like years – of being apart. Where most people wouldn't be so excited about his early flight Harry couldn't wait.

He's always been one for a bit of an adventure though he admits there really isn't much adventures when you're a nineteen year old uni student constantly busy with studies. Still, that just makes it all that much more exciting.

 

-

“Hurry up Louis,” Zayn grumbles at his friend who’s currently holding up the nice cab man. “I can only move so fast Zayn,” Louis snaps, grabbing the last of his baggage. “Well maybe if you hadn’t packed your whole wardrobe…” Zayn trails off with a huff. “Watch it Zaynie, or I’ll set Liam on your arse.” Zayn only rolls his eyes, checking his phone for nothing particular though he does see if Louis doesn’t hurry up they’ll be late for their flight. Or, well not early and Zayn needs to be early to secure his window seat and make sure he's got headphones on before the person he sits next to - though he was promised a solo seat - can ask or tell him anything. “Liam,” Zayn sighs, gesturing toward Louis as if to tell him to make him go faster.

“Here, let me help babe,” Liam smiles warmly, grabbing one of Louis’s three suitcases. “Honestly Lou, it’s only a couple weeks,” Zayn mumbles as they finally walk into the airport.

They make it through customs and security easily and are soon boarding the plane. Zayn's never liked planes. In fact he's only ever been on one once when he was kid and his mum decided it'd be nice to have a family holiday. And well, that one wasn't so bad, he's still alive and here although that barely eases his mind. He thinks maybe he shouldn't have gotten a seat away from Louis and Liam because at least then if he'd gotten a bit shaken up he could distract himself.

But then Louis's obnoxiously loud voice is asking Zayn if he can also use the little cubby above his seat because all his stuff doesn't fit along with Liam's. "You know, there's a reason all your things don't fit," Zayn taunts. "Oh you’re so funny, Malik," Louis gives an unimpressed look. Zayn mimics his words in an annoying tone which Louis returns with narrow eyes like they're a pair of kids until the flight attendant is ushering him back to his seat.

“Yeah Louis, you're big arse is blocking the whole walk way," Zayn snickers, satisfied with the little gasp he gets before the flight attendant is all but pushing Louis back to his seat. Zayn gives him a smug smile once he's seated and chuckles when he's demanding the lady bring him free peanuts which she tells him are free anyway.

When he's seated back correctly he's a bit startled to find a pair of green eyes watching the whole thing with a small grin. Zayn raises his eyebrows in a questioning sort of way which makes the curly haired lad shuffle his a little and give a bashful smile. "Sorry, I uh, I guess your my seat buddy?" Zayn doesn't know why but he’s almost mesmerized by the boy’s obscenely pink lips and the way the slow words fall like velvet.

"Didn't think I'd have a seat buddy actually," He finds himself saying though he doesn't think he minds all that much anymore. He watches the boy’s nice lips turn to a small frown, head tilting the slightest bit, "Sorry?" "Oh, no, I didn't mean that- it's fine that you’re- you seem nice I just didn't-" he struggles for the right words but none of them quite what he's actually trying to say. "You won’t have much room for your baggage," he settles for instead with an awkward sort of laugh.

"That's alright, only have one bag anyway," the boy smiles with a shrug gesturing toward the bag on his shoulder. Zayn's trying to find something to say that doesn't make him sound like an idiot, he kind of wants to ask why he's only got one bag but Louis quickly chimes in. "Zayn's a tosser!" He shouts chucking a couple peanuts at Zayn's head from his seat a few rows down. "Bugger off!" Zayn shouts back, throwing the nuts back at him.

The boy with pretty lips laughs at the exchange, and Zayn swears he's never heard a sweeter sound. He sends Louis a warning look then flips him off very discreetly while the boy is putting - rather shoving - his bag into the cubby with Zayn's and Louis's things.

"I take it you're Zayn then," the boy chuckles. "Yeah, erm, sorry for the lack of room, my mates decided to bring his whole house with him," Zayn makes a pointed look to Louis who sticks his tongue out at him then back at the incredibly bright eyed boy that's now seated right next to him. "That's alright," he smiles and holy shit of course he's got dimples, "I'm Harry by the way." Zayn nods acknowledging then settles in his seat.

Zayn tries to busy himself with his own packet of nuts and anything else but this Harry lad smells so good - like cinnamon and home - and he's so close. Zayn wants to ask him things, he's not sure what exactly but he just really wants to have him talk for hours so he can watch the boys pretty pink lips move. But he thinks better of it.

The flight attendant - a different one from the one Louis was so upset with - announces for them to buckle their belts now and Zayn starts to fidget a bit. This is the part he doesn't like; the part where it's a bit rocky and unsteady and feels like you're about to crash. "Watch out Zaynie, better hope we don't crash before we can even get high enough!" Louis shouts getting many complaints from other passengers as well as from Zayn.

"Scared of planes?" Harry asks with a small crease edged between his brows. "Kind of, yeah," Zayn tries - but fails miserably - to sound calmed. "Where are you going?" Is Harry's next question. "Erm, same place as you," Zayn chuckles lightly as this isn't a connecting flight. "Right, sorry," Harry replies sheepishly. "Your friend seems.." He trails off searching for the right word. "Loud? Obnoxious? Annoying? Childish? Obnoxiously loud and annoyingly childish?" Zayn responds with a huff. "I was going to say a bit out there, but in a fun way of course," Harry grins.

"Don't tell him that." And then the seat belt sign is flashing off and the lady is telling everyone they can unbuckle now. Zayn's not sure if it was Harry's intention to distract him but he did and Zayn’s incredibly grateful for that but now he wants to begin his quiet plane ride and finally finish reading the big he started a few weeks ago. Harry however, has different plans.

"Where's that accent from? If you don't mind me asking," Harry looks over at him. He finds it quite difficult to speak when Harry's looking at him like that; with his absolute full attention on him. "Same place as me, Bradford." Zayn mentally patting himself on the back for that smooth line. "Huh, s'nice. Kinda wish I had an accent like it now." Wow Zayn's cheeks are not warming up like some smitten teenage girl and he is not grateful that Harry's busy getting something from his bag to see because it isn’t happening.

Zayn wills himself to shake the feeling managing to ask, “What about you? Where’s your accent from?” Harry’s still going through his bag when he answer, “Uh, little town in Cheshire.” Zayn smiles at that, picturing Harry in a little quiet town probably working some local shop and more than likely knows everyone or rather, they all know him. “Bet they all eat you up,” Zayn smiles fondly at the charmer who seems to miss it. “Maybe they do,” Harry’s dimples settled deep.

Zayn only rolls his eyes in a playful manner and spares a glance back over to where Louis and Liam are seated the two now watching whatever movie the planes showing, Louis's head resting on Liam's shoulder and the two look absolutely adorable he can't help but smile.

“So why the trip with your friend?" Harry continues his questions once he's seated back in his seat with bags of snacks of his own. "Friends," Zayn corrects and Harry turns to see what he just saw moments ago, "And they thought it'd be a good idea to get me out of the house." "That's sweet, do you not get out much?" Suddenly, Zayn's not much in the mood for question anymore but he finds himself answering anyway. "No, actually just a bit of trouble in paradise," He's not sure why he told Harry that but he also doesn't really mind. “Ah, girlfriend troubles?” Harry takes a sip of his water. “Boyfriend actually,” Zayn corrects with a nod.

"Boyfriend?" Harry seems genuinely surprised - because he is. Zayn's arguably one of the prettiest if not the prettiest guy he's ever seen but one would ever guess he's anything but straight. And Harry's suddenly intrigued by this. "Mhm," Zayn hums. Harry gives a 'huh' as he takes in the new information. "What? Never been around a gay guy before?" Zayn tries to sound nonchalant and joking about it but now he's feeling like a right idiot for thinking all those inappropriate things about Harry. "No, I just-" Harry stops because he's not sure what he's trying to say. "Look I'm not going to hit on you if that's what you're worried about," Zayn says a bit worriedly because Harry's brows are furrowed now like he's uncomfortable and that's the last thing Zayn wanted to make Harry feel.

Harry knows then that his eyebrows are doing that absolutely annoying thing they do where they pull together without his consent while his mind goes into its own little over-drive of thoughts and he's absolutely furious with himself now because Zayn's reaching for the plane headphones now and Harry's not ready to stop talking to him yet. He wants to keep talking to him until he's run out of things to say though he swears he never would. He wouldn’t let himself if it came down to it.

“Were you serious? You and your boyfriend?" He's not sure why he's just asked that especially to a stranger he's known for all but 5 minutes it feels. When Zayn gives him a hesitant look he mentally slaps himself on the back of his head because of course Zayn doesn't want to talk about that, they've just had a falling out. "Sorry, sorry, that's none of my- sorry." He's so embarrassed with himself he has to look away, might even throw himself off the plane to get away. Instead, he's surprised with a chuckle, and when he looks over at Zayn he's got a small smile on his face that Harry just wants to take a picture of to look at whenever he's having a shit day.

And whoa. What the hell is he talking about? He's Harry Styles. He doesn't talk - rather, think - like this. Especially about boys.

Zayn finds Harry's nervousness quite amusing, in a cute way which is why he knows he needs to stop talking to him now. Because for a lack of a better expression, Zayn loves hard. He crushes hard. He falls hard. He loves hard. In fact, he feels and does most things too hard. So he can't feel anything towards this absolutely straight guy. Which is why he decides his next words will be his last to this curly haired boy then he can enjoy his flight and when they land they can go their separate ways and Zayn never has to see his stupidly pretty face again.

"That's alright mate, just glad I didn’t have to watch that horrible movie, do you mind if I get past you really quick?" A flash of panic runs through Harry because great. Now he's gone and done it. Zayn'll probably go tell his friends what a homophobic, nosey, twat he is and then never come back to sit next to him because he clearly hates him now and Harry doesn't blame him. "Just need to wee," Zayn says after a moment and Harry's sure he's seen the panic on his face.

Harry really hates his face today, he decides.

Zayn really does have to pee but he honestly just wanted to get away from Harry. Not that he doesn't like Harry because he does and that's the problem. He can't like Harry because Harry's straight and Zayn knows that liking someone doesn't necessarily mean needing to date them, they could be friends. But the problem is, Zayn's already thought of the way Harrys pretty mouth would look around his cock, he's already thought about all the ways he'd take Harry, he's already pictured the way Harry's rough voice would sound moaning his name and that- Zayn just can't think about that because it'll never happen.

So he spends a few extra moments in the restroom to talk some sense into himself and get rid of that mental photo of Harry's peeking chest tattoos – that he all but wants to lick and bite into – then goes over to draw on a sleeping Louis's face because he was being such an aggravating twat and while he's at it, he might as well do Liam as well.

He checks to see what Harry's doing and notices him typing on his phone. He lets out a huff because he was really hoping if he stalled long enough Harry would busy himself with a movie or music so he doesn't seem like the dickhead who put in his earbuds to ignore the other but that seems to be his fate.

Harry's not sure why he feels so complied to have Zayn like him but he does. He _wants_ Zayn to like him. But he figures that's out the window when Zayn takes a bit long for a wee break. He goes over everything he should have said differently and curses himself for it. He didn't mean for Zayn to feel uncomfortable, he was just being his stupidly curious self.

"Everything alright?" He tries to redeem himself when he hears a quiet curse from the boy standing at the cubby right above him. Zayn's so close now he's practically brushing against Harry and Harry well, he's not sure how he feels about that. However he is sure about how lovely Zayn smells and is trying so hard not to stare but Zayn's shirts raised up a bit with his reach and Harry can see a bit of ink and a very light happy trail that's hardly noticeable but Harry's mind goes a bit dizzy with thoughts of where it leads.

"Yeah, uh, just can't find my earphones is all," Zayn stays hidden by the cubby to cringe at himself for saying that because he's not only the dickhead who puts his earbuds in but he's also apparently the dickhead that throws it in your face.

Harry feels himself shrink at that, he really should have expected it though. Of course Zayn doesn't want to talk to him. He doesn't even want to talk to himself right now. He decides he's going to leave Zayn alone now, he can take a hint. So he gets up to let Zayn back to his window seat then sits back in his with a sigh.

He utterly hates himself right now. He wants to tell Zayn he really isn't homophobic and in fact his best friend that he's going to visit is gay and that normally he really isn't this nosy but he just can't help it, he likes the way Zayn talks, could listen to him for hours. "I swear I'm not a twat," Harry's mumbles than realizes that he's actually just said that out loud and okay maybe he is complete twat.

As if Zayn hadn't felt bad already what with the wide-eyed doe look Harry was giving after he'd mentioned his earphones now he thinks _he's_ the one being a twat? Zayn won't have it. Harry's far too pretty to be looking like that; all sad and like Zayn's just killed his mother. "Sorry, that's not what I meant, I know you're not a twat, just noticed I didn't have my earphones that I thought were in my pocket is all, just wanted to make sure I hadn't lost them in the cab." "No, I'm sorry, I swear I don't mind that you're.. ya know, and I didn't mean to ask you all those questions, I'll leave you alone for the rest of the ride, promise you won't even know I'm here.”

Only, he does notice he's there. How could someone not notice when Harry's there? How could someone deliberately ignore the fact that Harry is there and so close at that. Still, he tries to ignore that, tries reading that book but all he can see and think about is that sad doe-eyed look Harry had and the way the boy practically became a Disney forest animal.

Harry doesn't blame Zayn when he pulls out some book but that doesn't mean it hurt any less. He tells himself it’s better that way because Zayn's got him thinking things he hasn't thought about since he kissed Niall 5 years ago to see what it was like kissing a boy and immediately decided he didn't like it. But now he thinks with lips as plump and soft-looking as Zayn's, he might just enjoy kissing boys or at least _a_ boy. His cheeks flush and he glances over at Zayn as if he could somehow read his mind.

Zayn's had it, he gives up on reading the stupid book he just needs to hear Harry talk again even if he is overly curious. "Why are you taking this trip then?" Zayn blurts out before he can really come up with something to say. "I mean, since I told you and all." He quickly adds to remind Harry he'd asked first so it isn't weird that Zayn's asking now. Harry's lips quirk up a bit and no it doesn't tug at Zayn's heart, absolutely not. "Going to visit my best mate." Harry finds himself relieved that Zayn's finally asking him something because he wasn't sure how much longer he was going to last.

“What's your best mate doing so far away?" Zayn asks before he can stop himself. "Well his boyfriends there so he moved a few months ago," Harry's sure to subtly mention the fact that his best friends gay. "Guess I was the twat then eh?" Zayn chuckles at the idiot he is. "No, no, I'm sure I came off a bit weird, was just surprised is all," Harry begins to fix the mess he made of himself. "Surprised?" Zayn cocks a curious brow. Harry nods, "Not in a bad way, you just erm, you don't come off as.."

This isn't the first time Zayn's heard this. The 'you're gay?' Cue the gasp, 'but you don't even look it'. "Seem to have left my tight bright clothing at home," he's only joking because it honestly doesn't bother him but Harry quickly becomes all squirmy and worried-like again. "Sorry, that's not what I erm, was trying to say, you don't.. Obviously not all gay people dress like that I just.." Zayn should probably stop him, tell him it's fine but he just finds it all too amusing. "You just?" He eggs him on instead. "I just thought you were surely straight," Harry knows he sounds like a right idiot but Zayn seems to make him nervous – something he hasn't felt since the first time he touched a girl.

Maybe that's what it is. Maybe he's so drawn to Zayn because for once, he can't smooth talk him about what pretty perfume he has on, or what a lovely outfit he's wearing or what beautiful eyes he has – which Zayn does. He has prettier eyes than half the girls Harry's shagged, he's even got the perfect lashes to compliment the big honey brown pools.

"I was joking, it's fine. I get that all the time," Zayn smiles amusingly at the curly haired boy. "Christ, you have to tell me when you're joking. I thought for sure I'd blown it." Harry stops because he hears the words. He hears the words he can't take back echoing in his head and curses his stupid mouth for saying that without his approval. But he's so relieved that he _hadn't_ blown it that the words just sort of slipped out.

"Blown what exactly?" Zayn tilts his head and can't help but find the nervous boy in front of him kind of adorable. Harry's heads spinning. He doesn't want to tell Zayn the answer because he's not sure he even knows it himself. There's nothing he could have blown because there's nothing there. Harry's straight and even if he wasn't Zayn said it himself, he's not going to hit on him meaning he clearly isn't his type. Which Harry finds mildly offensive because he's everybody's type. Does Zayn think he's out of Harry's league? Because if he does then- then he's absolutely right. He's so far out of Harry's league they're not even playing the same sport. Literally.

"Water? Head rest? Peanuts?" A new flight attendant asks though it's more directed towards Harry ad Zayn finds himself wondering how many goddamn flight attendants does one plane need? Harry's not sure why he does it, but he puts on that flirty grin he uses when he’s out in clubs and makes a comment about what a pretty name the flight attendant has which earns a giggle from her. He faintly hears Zayn mumble a 'I get it, you're straight' and when he looks over, he sees Zayn's now got the airplane headphones on watching the movie he specifically said he hated.

Suddenly, flirting with the flight attendant isn't all that fun and he grabs an eye cover from her then sends her on her way. He wants to take the headphones off Zayn and tell him he's sorry and that he didn't mean to do that, he just sort of panicked because for some reason Zayn makes him nervous.

But he doesn't. He stays quiet, covering his eyes and hoping sleep soon engulfs him so he can escape the hole he's dug himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be chaptered but only a few like 3 or 5 I haven't decided yet. Um I'll try to post every other day as well if ya wanna stick around. And of course, feel free to leave comments on anything, whether it's something you like or dislike. (:


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn wasn't expecting some big romantic movie shit moment where Harry felt what he felt and realized maybe he does like boys - Zayn knows better - but he also wasn't expecting that blow to the chest. Just kissing? "Just kissing?" he mumbles as he gets back into the cab. "Sorry mate, it's always the straight ones eh?" the driver calls back to him with a little huff of laughter. Zayn grumbles a small yeah then tells him where he's staying before sitting and sulking like the miserable twat he his.

The thing is, Harry really shouldn't care about the random guy he met on a plane and whether or not that guy liked him. But he does. He does because well, Zayn wasn't just some random guy on the plane. Sure technically yes he was because Harry didn't actually  _know_  him but he wanted to. He wanted to know every little thing about him from the way he looks when he's just woken up (which Harry thinks is most likely all soft and fluffy with his big brown eyes all wide-looking and that stupidly ridiculous smile of his that Harry has definitely not been thinking about since he went to sleep on the plane) to his favorite everything, to all the thing Zayn never dared tell anyone. 

It also doesn't help that when Harry was woken up on the plane, it was by the flight attendant that he had flirted with and that the last bit of Zayn he saw was the glare sent their way.

He hadn't meant for it to go the way it went and that's what all this was about. Harry's just not used to people not liking him, he's usually super charming and can make friends with pretty much anyone so he just  _can't stand_  the thought of someone out there thinking he's a right twat whether it's Zayn or not (Or so he tells himself.)

It surely doesn't mean anything that Harry hasn't been able to sleep properly for the past three days and it surely doesn't mean anything that he's dreamt about Zayn nearly every night this week. This also has nothing to do with Harry's game being off and not being able to pull any night they've gone out. He just can't help it. Zayn's constantly clouding his mind and when he drinks to forget it, it only makes it worst and all he sees is Zayn's stupid smile, Zayn's stupid lips, Zayn's stupid eyes, Zayn's stupidly pretty face, and every laugh he hears isn't quite as nice as Zayn's.

So he mopes around Niall's but doesn't tell him about it even if on the third night Niall swears Harry looks like he's about to throw himself out of the moving cab taking them home from the club and well Harry's had a few too many drinks in him so he comes up with a great plan. "Let's go to a gay bar!" Harry shouts. Niall's been trying to get him to go to one since he's discovered them himself but Harry's never seen the point since he's straight. But he thinks Zayn and his friends are gay and what better plan to find Zayn than at a gay bar? Especially when there's only one close by.

"You really are pissed aren't ya?" Niall laughs. Harry pouts because Niall's not going to listen to him, he's not drunk enough to go along with one of Harry's plans. "I'm not  _that_  drunk," He mumbles with his arms crossed like a sulking child looking out the window. "Why d'you wanna go to a gay bar?" Niall looks absolutely amused like he's just waiting for Harry to say something stupid. "You've been trying to take me to one since you've caught dick fever, why does it matter that I want to go now?" he shrugs. Niall cocks a questioning brow with narrowed eyes as if Harry's just going to change his mind and say it was all joke.

But he doesn't and so Niall tells the cab driver the name of the place Harry hopes to see Zayn again.

-

"Here Zayn, have another," Louis shoves the whatever number shot this is - Zayn's honestly lost count - into Zayn's hand. He honestly doesn't want it but his hand takes it and throws it back before his drunken mind can tell it not to. Zayn doesn't even want to be here anyway. There's too many guys, which Zayn never thought would ever be a problem, but it is tonight and he has a certain curly haired boy to thank for that.

Every guy he sees, every guy that comes up to him or buys him a drink, none of them have those pretty pink lips or those bright green eyes and they definitely don't have the dimpled smile that's crossed between smug and charming. Zayn hates himself for thinking like this because if anything he should be mopping about his boyfriend who was absolutely miserable when Zayn suggested a break.

But the thing is, he hates himself for thinking it even more because he knows Harry's probably out having the time of his life with their plane ride so far gone in his mind he probably doesn't even remember Zayn's name.

"I'm uh, I think I'm just going to head back now, yeah?" Zayn announces to his equally drunk best friends. "Aw boo!" Louis shouts over all the noise, Liam joining with a thumbs down and a pout. Zayn doesn't mind them though, makes his way out the front door where he's rudely bumped into by some already drunk guy just walking in and decides to have a smoke whilst he waits for his cab.

Zayn doesn't get why all he can seem to think about is Harry but he doesn't want to. He doesn't like Harry, he's decided. Maybe he could have before Harry so kindly flirted with that flight attendant or even after if he wouldn't have gone back for more when they'd landed. Not that it bothered him because Harry is straight and single which means he is allowed to flirt with and talk to whomever he wants.

Harry wasn't his.

-

Harry doesn't see Zayn that night but he does get so pissed he can almost feel him there when he goes to bed. He does convince Niall to go out with him again the next night though, something about them getting there too late last night that he didn't even get to get the whole experience. He's not entirely sure what that even meant but Niall goes for it so that's all that matters.

He can't help his eyes darting all over the place, scoping out everyone there. He's not completely oblivious to the other guys checking him out, he just doesn't mind it. Doesn't seem to care which  _see, I told you_   _I'm not gay_ he thinks to himself as he heads over to the bar.

A guy with light brown hair comes over and offers to buy him a drink. He almost says yes just for the sake of a free drink but thinks better of it. "Thanks mate but I'm straight actually," he tries to sound the nicest he can, hoping not to offend him and that's when he hears the scoff just to the right of him. He turns with creased eyebrows ready to tell off whoever so rudely thought to put an input in his private conversation.

But Harry's Harry and his life just doesn't work that way. His mouth dries and his voice is lost somewhere in the mess that are his racing thoughts right now.

"Haven't changed have you," Zayn almost laughs because of course. Of course Harry is here now. Of course he's telling people he's straight which makes Zayn kind of want to shout at the gods because _he gets it._   _Harry is straight._  They can stop torturing him already. He takes in Harry's expression which is just blank and his mouth keeps opening then closing like he keeps thinking better of the words he's trying to choose and wow his lips are even pinker now that he's gotten a bit alcohol in him.

Zayn shakes himself of the thoughts and grabs the drinks he asked for, sending Harry a nod signaling his departure. Harry's hand is flying out and latching itself onto Zayn's arm before he can really process what he's doing. He doesn't have the right words yet but he also doesn't want Zayn to walk away at least not before he can apologize for being the worlds biggest cunt.

"I'm not a twat!" are the words that fall from Harry's mouth and he's honestly shocked himself at how loud they come out. Zayn looks taken back at first then just raises his eyebrows in a  _yeah_   _okay, whatever you say_  kind of way. When he goes to walk away again Harry feels like he's about to throw up.. or pass out. Or both. He's not sure but all he knows is he needs Zayn to stay. He has to make things okay. Zayn has to like him.

"I mean, I _was_ on the plane but that wasn't me I swear, I was just, I was out of my wits a bit." Zayn can relate because he was a bit out of his wits as well but for a different reason than Harry was and that's why he has to leave. He has to have at least 10 more shots then go find a good shag- and holy shit if Harry doesn't remove his hand from Zayn's arm he swears he's going to burst at the seams. "Look, it's alright mate, haven't thought about it at all to be honest," Zayn shrugs nonchalant.

Harry seems to deflate at that, he's not quite sure why though. This is what he wanted. Zayn doesn't care. He doesn't think Harry's a knob and he hasn't even thought about it.  _That_. Harry decides.  _That_  is what's not right here, Zayn hasn't thought about it? Nothing? Not even a little? Now Harry just feels like a right idiot. He's spent the past 4 days mopping about this for no apparent reason.

"So you don't think I'm a twat?" Harry's not sure why his voice sounds like someones just told him the picture he spent 3 hours drawing sucks instead of sounding happy or relieved but it does. "No, you're definitely a twat, just probably not for the reason you think," Zayn says with a small playful smile and no Harry's heart didn't just speed up. Harry's heart doesn't do that. It especially doesn't do that for guys. "Then why _am_ I a twat?" Harry pouts and Zayn kind of wants to kiss it away.

No he doesn't. He wants to tell Harry why he's a twat. Tell him how devastatingly pretty he is and how he's all Zayn could think about for the past 4 days. Wants to tell him he's a twat for that and because he flirted with that stupid flight attendant. What was so special about her that Zayn couldn't have offered?  _A vagina_. Zayn laughs to himself at that. And okay maybe he's a bit more drunk than he'd thought.

Harry gives him a curious look as to why the boy had just laughed but Zayn just shakes his head. "I'll see you around Harry, have fun being straight in a gay bar." He pats Harry's shoulder and Harry wants to jump out of his skin. He's a bit shocked by it all and accidentally lets Zayn walk away. He was supposed to stay. Harry was supposed to make him stay. He was supposed to want to stay and talk to Harry forever.  _Why is he walking away?_  Harry mentally stomps his foot like a child throwing a tantrum.

"He's here," Zayn sighs as soon as he's close enough to his two best friends. "Who?" Liam gives a look of confusion, taking the drink Zayn's offered. "The plane lad," Zayn spares a glance to where he'd left Harry only to see him gone and no he doesn't feel disappointed. He doesn't care. It's good he left. "Pretty lips? What the hell are you doing over here then?" Louis slurs, leaning his barely standing body on Zayn. Zayn rolls his eyes and shakes his head, taking a drink from his own cup.

"Why not? You've been mopping around since we landed, please go get laid so you'll stop being such a drag." "Piss off," Zayn narrows his eyes. "I'm just saying Zaynie, you'll get nowhere if you don't even try now will you?" And Zayn _must_ be drunk because he's starting to give into whatever ridiculous advice Louis is on about. "Yeah, what's the worst that can happen mate?" Liam chimes in. _He could find Zayn very creepy and annoying and hate him for even trying to do anything,_ that's what. "No. He's straight." Zayn's not even sure why he sounds like he's scolding himself rather than is friends, in all honesty he probably is.

"Oh c'mon Zed like you haven't persuaded one of those before," Louis throws out carelessly and Zayn's chest tightens. "I'm-I'm sorry Zee, I didn't, I didn't mean that..." Louis trails off but Zayn's not in the mood. He's not in the mood to deal with his drunk best friend and the slip of his words and the fact that Harry's in the same place as him finally. So he makes an executive decision, suddenly not so drunk as he cuts through the crowd of gay men and heads outside for a cigarette.

He's not sure how long he's outside but surely it wasn't long enough for the lanky boy with pretty lips to be as pissed drunk as he is. His whole face seems to light up at the sight of Zayn, a huge dimpled grin spreading across his all too pink lips. "There you are!" he chirps and Zayn finds himself chuckling. "Here I am." "You smoke?" Harry frowns. "Looks like it, yeah," Zayn answers matter-of-fact puffing another drag of the toxic stick. "That a problem?" "Erm, no, well yeah, but no, it's your choice and all I just have shit lungs," Harry responds with a shrug, keeping his distance.

Zayn nods acknowledging but doesn't say anything else, just blows his smoke in the opposite direction.

"I've been looking for you, your friends said you were probably out here," Harry announces after a moment. "Yeah, had to clear my head, have a smoke." "Is that why you do it? To clear your head?" Harry leans on the wall mainly because everything else is spinning and he can't see straight. "Mostly," Zayn shrugs. "Why were you looking for me?" he adds almost hesitant but Harry's far too wasted to pick up on that. "Wanted to tell you I've put all my drinks on your tab," he says in what he hopes sounds like a smug tone but sounds more slurred and drawled out than he realizes.

"And why is that?" Zayn honestly should probably be more upset about this new information but he finds it quite amusing. "Because," Harry hiccups, "Because s'your fault." Zayn's lips turn up a bit and he raises his eyebrows, "Oh yeah? What'd I do?" Harry leans forward, stumbling towards the dark haired boy. "You..you're being mean." "Me? Mean? Think you've got the wrong person," he muses. "No, no, it's you. You're being mean to me even after I said sorry, I don't get it, why don't you like me?" Harry's far too close now, Zayn can smell his cologne and the alcohol in his breath.

"Who says I don't like you?" Zayn shrugs. "You. You said I'm a twat." Harry pouts, leaning his head on Zayn shoulder. "I'm not a twat." "You are so pissed," Zayn chuckles ignoring Harry, "Where's your friend at?" "Home." Harry answers, nuzzling his head into the crook of Zayn neck. "You came out to a gay bar by yourself?" Zayn's brows knitting together because what absolute shit friend lets their friend go out by themsel- "No, he was here, but he left." Okay. Scratch that. What absolute shit friend leaves their mate at a gay bar by himself? Especially when he's clearly wasted.

"He just..left you?" Harry nods with a hum. "Wanted to stay and find you." No Zayn's heart does not flutter at that. "Do you know where you're staying?" Zayn asks ignoring that stupid shiver from Harry's curls tickling his neck. "Mhm, his house." Harry mumbles. "Don't suppose you can get there on your own?" Harry shakes his head and Zayn's not sure if he's just being nice or if he's letting his stupid fond lust for this boy make this decision for him but he decides it's his duty to get him home safe.

He calls a cab and lets Harry nuzzle closer to him while they wait. Harry can't stop thinking how good Zayn smells and how warm he is. He thinks he could stay like this forever, nuzzled into Zayn where the cold can't get to him. He pouts when Zayn pulls away though. Zayn only gives a small laugh and says, "Come on curly, cabs here." Harry likes the nickname. Thinks Zayn could call him _shithead_ and he'd still like it. Zayn helps Harry in first then slide in next to him, Harry immediately nuzzling back into him again.

"Harry, you've got to tell the cabbie your address," Zayn coos to the sleepy boy. Harry mumbles his address in Cheshire and the cab driver gives Zayn a funny look. "No, Harry, not  _your_  address, I mean your mate's address," Zayn chuckles. Harry likes when Zayn laughs, he decides, and smiles to himself. " _Harry_?" Zayn presses for the address as the cab driver looks about two seconds away from chucking them out. "Oh!" Harry sits up so the driver can hear him recite Niall's address then he snuggles into Zayn more comfortably. Harry does this with all his friends so he doesn't think much of it when he asks Zayn if he could pet his hair.

Zayn's not sure whether or not that's such a good a idea but Harry's nudging into him like a kitten demanding to be pet and he swears Harry's going to start purring any minute now. This should be weird but Zayn finds it quite normal and soothing almost as he watches all the house and little shops go by. It's not a long drive but Harry's sleeping by the time they pull up.

"Harry," Zayn coos retracting his hand from the head full of curls and gets a grunt in response. "We're here." He shakes him a bit. Harry doesn't move, not even a twitch. "Harry," Zayn sighs. "I don't want to," Harry groans. Zayn creases his eyebrows. "Don't want to what? Get out?" Harry shakes his head, "No, don't want you to go yet." There's a pause, Zayn tensing as he tries to think of something to say but he's not quite sure saying anything is a good idea. He knows what he probably  _should_  say but he  _wants_  to tell Harry he doesn't want to go either so he doesn't trust his voice.

Harry pouts and slides out of the cab very sloppily, swaying as he gets to his feet. "I know, but you don't like me because I'm a twat." Zayn shakes his head, awed at how pretty Harry looks even as drunk and messy as he is. And so he decides to let his mouth say whatever it wants. "You're wrong you know, I do like you. Like you quite a bit actually."

They stand there in front of Harry's friend's house, the cab driver muttering under his breath - but not directly to Zayn because the longer they take the more he gets paid, Harry's face lit up like a kid that's just come downstairs to a tree full of presents underneath and little drunken giggles are coming from those damn pretty pink lips. "Like..." he giggles, " _Like_  like me?" Zayn can't help the fond laugh that slips his lips and Harry's honestly just too adorable not to kiss right now. So, he steals a kiss in a moment of weakness. It's honestly too quick for Harry to even try to reciprocate it if he wanted to but it still makes Zayn's heart sing.

He steps back a bit, only enough to get a look at Harry's face but still fairly close, hands steadying Harry by his waist, eyes flickering from Harry's gorgeous greens that are glassed over and red where they should be white and those pink  _pink_  lips, cheeks a shade pinker than they have been all night. He's ready to apologize and leave feeling like a complete idiot and never see Harry again but he's surprised with a clumsy boy latching himself back onto his lips.

It's a hot mess, all teeth and tongue but he doesn't mind because  _Harry's_  kissing  _him_. He pulls him impossibly closer, one hand tangled in his unruly curls another still firm on his hip. Harry has a cheeky hand on his bum and another holding him desperately close by the shirt. He's dizzy with the rush of need for the dark haired boy and chases after his lips when he pulls away for breath. Zayn rests his forehead on Harry's and Harry can smell the faint alcohol and tobacco from earlier which isn't the best smell but he doesn't care. He thinks screw earlier, he could stay like _this_ forever. Or, no. Not forever because he'd like to kiss some more.

He can't even express how glad he is when Zayn's finally caught his breath long enough to lean back in. This kiss is different though. This one isn't so rushed or messy, it's more slow and careful. Harry can't decide which he prefers but he'd take either one if they came from Zayn. He likes Zayn's lips, he decides. They're nice and soft and this is all okay because he knows he's straight, it's just kissing, it's not like it means anything.

"Oi! Harry! What the hell are you doing?!" Niall shouts from the front door and Harry reluctantly pulls away from Zayn's nice lips. "What does it look like?" he shouts back and Zayn lets out a soft laugh that sends this funny feeling to Harry's stomach. "You are _not_ bringing your shags to my house!" Harry giggles at the thought of being naked with Zayn, "Relax, it's not like that." Zayn agrees because he definitely was not going to let Harry shag him...at least not unless he asked. "I have to go," Harry frowns at Zayn and he nods understandingly.

He stands there and watches Harry stagger up the front steps toward his friend. "What are you thinking? You don't even like boys!" Zayn hears his friend scold. Harry giggles uncontrollably, "I know Neil, it isn't like that." He shrugs. "We were just kissing."

Zayn wasn't expecting some big romantic movie shit moment where Harry felt what he felt and realized maybe he does like boys - Zayn knows better - but he also wasn't expecting _that_ blow to the chest.  _Just kissing?_  "Just kissing?" he mumbles as he gets back into the cab. "Sorry mate, it's always the straight ones eh?" the driver calls back to him with a little huff of laughter. Zayn grumbles a small _yeah_ then tells him where he's staying before sitting and sulking like the miserable twat he his.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn swears every time his heart flutters or his breath catches in his throat at how absolutely gorgeous Harry looks after with his hair a mess from Zayn's fingers and his lips a bit swollen from it all, that he really ought to get _it's just kissing_ tattooed somewhere on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much reading and commenting and leaving kudos. Hope you're all enjoying the story so far and that this chapter isn't too bad. (:

"Zayn, would you please stop being so depressing, you're ruining this," Louis huffs. Ruining this? Zayn hardly got any sleep which is a first for him and he feels on edge. He's already had about half a pack of cigarettes and to top it all off he got a call this morning. It's funny, for a second he thought it might have been Harry but then he remembered he hadn't given Harry his number and the fact that Harry was so drunk he doubts he'll even remember anything about last night.

The phone call was from his boyfriend or, ex-boyfriend, whatever he is. Zayn's not sure what to call him anymore but from the voicemail he left for Zayn, he apparently still wants the boyfriend label.

Zayn's not really okay with that. There was a reason he didn't want to go to dinner with Jake's family, there was a reason they fought constantly and there was a reason Zayn suggested a break in the first place. There was also a reason he was seriously considering this an official break up. And that reason said he didn't like boys and also said it was 'just kissing.' So excuse him for not being in the brightest of moods.

"Let's go here next yeah? Then we can visit that park you've been on about," Louis points to the map as if he's actually got a clue what he's pointing at or how to even read a map. "Yeah whatever," Zayn shrugs taking out his umpteenth cigarette and lighting it. "Must you smoke that horrid thing right now?" Louis grimaces. Zayn just sends him a glare and can't help it, he automatically thinks about Harry last night and how he'd kept his distance because his 'shitty lungs.' Zayn thinks he'd probably give it up if it meant being around Harry more. Thinks he'd do just about anything if Harry was the one to ask.

"I think it's this way," Liam points left. "No, you're wrong, it's definitely this way," Louis points right and Zayn shakes himself of any stupid thoughts of stupid Harry and goes over to be mediator before they have a shouting fest in the middle of the road. "Alright, let me see it," Zayn huffs, all but snatching the map from Louis. "Go on, tell him Zee, tell him I'm right!" "He's not going to because as always, you're wrong," Liam snickers. Zayn's just about done with this day, with this whole stupid holiday actually. "You're both wrong, it's that way," Zayn points a thumb behind them. "No, let me see it, I'm telling you, it's that way," Louis puts one finger on the map and points the other to the left.

"That's funny because you just said it was to the right," Zayn raises his eyebrows at him. "No, I'm sure I said left." "No, you didn't." "I did!" "You didn't!" "Liam!" They both huff at the same time, turning to the brown-eyed boy. "I don't remember," he shrugs. Louis smiles smugly. "Of course he's going to say that, he's your boyfriend," Zayn frowns. "Yeah well whose fault is that." Louis sticks his tongue out.

"I think we're all wrong, it might be that way," Liam points ahead of them and they all look up from the map to see if maybe they'd see anything that indicates that's the right way. To say Zayn is shocked would be an understatement. He definitely was not expecting to see the curly haired devil himself. At least not out and about mid-day. He meets those damn green eyes - only for a second - then quickly looks away. "I don't care anymore, can we please decide a way already?" He gnaws at his bottom lip.

"Hey, isn't that pretty lips?" Louis all but shouts and  _god_  why doesn't Zayn have quieter friends? "Shut up," Zayn hisses. "Why Zaynie, maybe he'll know the way?" Louis's honestly testing his patience. "Don't." He grits, lifting his eyes from the map and narrowing them at Louis. "Oh c'mon Zayn, he's already looking." Zayn's heart picks up at that. He's looking? Why is he looking? He knew he should have stayed in today. "What do you think Panyo?" Louis glances at Liam then settles back on Harry. "I mean, you said his friend lives here yeah?" "Christ, not you too," Zayn frowns at Liam.

"You don't even have to come with us, we'll be two seconds." Zayn doesn't even have time to protest because Liam and Louis are already snickering and walking toward what Zayn is assuming is Harry, he's not sure though because he's too afraid to look up.

He lights another cigarette because really the other one hadn't counted since he put it out seconds after lighting it and Harry being around is too much. Zayn stands off to the side under some shade and lets his eyes take in the beautiful small city as he attempts to clear his head. Which let's be honest, Zayn shouldn't have thought would be so easy.

"Pretty lips huh?" Zayn's heart feels like it's about to beat out of his chest at the voice. He doesn't know why but he actually thought Harry wouldn't come over and talk to him. He's clearly still learning Harry has no sense of personal space. Harry doesn't know where this sense of confidence has come from but it seemed to have come after Zayn's friend had mentioned something about Harry being all they've heard about since they left the plane.

"Are you going to look at me now?" Harry pouts because Zayn's looking everywhere  _but_  him and Harry doesn't like that. Harry likes when Zayn stares him, also likes it when Zayn's lips are on his - which is totally normal. So he thinks Zayn has nice lips? That hardly means anything.

"Fine," Zayn sighs. "What do you want?" Harry looks almost refreshing. His green eyes clear as day, lips back to their normal shade of pink, hair washed and not a complete mess but covered but this ridiculously adorable hat. He's also wearing a grey sweater that looks rather warm and soft along with the tightest skinny jeans that quite compliment his legs Zayn thinks and ruffed up boots. Zayn tucks his lip between his teeth because he honestly doesn't trust himself. "Wanted to talk to you," Harry's eyebrows creasing and Zayn heart leaps out of his chest at the small frown on his face. "Bout what?" Zayn remembers he was smoking before Harry came to bother him and he puts that back in his mouth, taking an unnecessarily long drag.

"Look, your friends've invited me, Niall and his boyfriend along for today so can you maybe not hate me for a bit?" Harry looks up from the ground where he'd set his sight instead of Zayn. "At least until the day is over then I promise you can complain all you want to your friends." He adds with a small grin that he hopes comes off charming.

"Only until you're gone," Zayn says playfully, tossing his cigarette aside. Harry's never felt so relieved, as he did think Zayn would have been a bit more difficult.

-

Just because Zayn has stupid overbearing friends doesn't mean he has to go along with all this so he stays quiet the whole walk there, only muttering under his breath when Harry and his friend Niall say things like  _you know what that reminds about_? And Harry giggles actually  _giggles,_ kind of like last night but minus the drunken demeanor and says something like  _that time I tried to shag Stel and her friend?_ Zayn feels absolutely sick and he's  _sure_  Harry wont ever stop shoving the fact that he's straight down his god damn throat.

When they finally make it into the boring memorial museum Zayn takes this chance to 'accidentally' lose the group. No one seems to notice and Zayn thanks the gods for finally taking pity on him.

He walks around the huge place looking at different things here and there but it's all quite boring to him. He thinks he could probably find his way to that park Louis mentioned earlier but he doesn't want to risk it. He hears a faint  _there you are_  but ignores it, too busy reading about the structure of this building which he honestly has no idea why he's even doing in the first place but thinks it's better than having to hear another one of Harry's obnoxiously straight stories.

He doesn't look until he's being dragged to some quiet hallway. "Harry," he sighs. "Harry what are you-" but he's cut off with a quick "Shut up," then he's pushed against a wall and Harry's lips are firm against his. He's shocked by it all really, this being the last thing he was expecting from this outing. Once his mind seems to wrap around the fact that  _okay this is happening_  he kisses back, turning them so Harry's the one with his back against the wall. Kissing sober Harry has to be one of the best things Zayn's ever experienced. There's no taste of alcohol, no clumsy hands and no sloppy kisses with teeth although they seem to be just as hungry.

"Harry?" Zayn mumbles against his lips because as much as he loves this, he has no idea what  _this_  is. "You weren't paying attention to me," Harry breathes happily, placing a soft kiss to Zayn's neck. Zayn's utterly confused but lets Harry drag him back out the front entrance. "You wanted to go to the park right?" Zayn takes a moment, eyebrows knitting together as he gives a small, "Yeah." "Good. That's where we'll go then." Harry nods.

Zayn's head is spinning but he also doesn't want to say anything in case that ruins whatever is happening here.

Turns out, the park isn't that far and Zayn could have easily found it on his own. "What are we doing here?" Zayn asks simply for lack of better words. Harry doesn't answer though. "Did you tell anyone we were leaving?" He tries again but still gets no answer. "Does your friend at least know? Because I think mine will send a search party." He chuckles partly because it's meant as a joke - but not really because his friends  _would_  send a search party - and partly because he's nervous. "Right then, did you bring me here to kill me?" he tries the joke thing again. "Can I ask you something?" Harry glances over at him with a crease between his brows. "Sure," Zayn drawls because you know, it wasn't like he was just asking him questions that he completely ignored.

"Do you really hate me?" Zayn rolls his because, "No Harry, thought I made that pretty clear last night." Harry smiles at that, all big and wide and even giggles a little, "I knew that, just wanted to hear you say it." Harry did know that, or he had an idea of it. He was drunk last night and remembered his conversation with Zayn and god how could he forget the kissing? He dares anyone to kiss Zayn and try to forget about it. But still, he had to be 100% positive since he'd fallen asleep the night before that swearing Zayn was in the same bed as him.

"God, you're such a twat," Zayn groans, shoving Harry lightly and plopping down in front of a little water area full of ducks. "So, tell me, how does the gay thing work?" Harry asks almost smugly as he sits next to Zayn. "What do you mean? It's quite simple really. I'm a boy. I like boys." He shrugs. For a second, a  _split_  second, he thinks maybe Harry's curiosity is his doing. Like Harry might be trying to figure out if maybe he is gay, at least for Zayn. But Harry's face is too smug and his smiles too playful and Zayn really does know better. "Well obviously but like, when did you know?"

Zayn sighs, he has straight friends, he's used to these kinds of question he just doesn't understand why Harry would kiss him then throw all these questions at him. "Uh, dunno, guess around the teenage years. I had a couple girlfriends but they weren't much when I kissed my first boy - which was Liam - I realized what had been missing with girls. That being a penis," Zayn chuckles light heartedly. Harry shouldn't care - and he doesn't - but he knew he didn't like something about that Liam guy. He decides he's just going to pretend Zayn's never kissed anyone else before. For no particular reason of course.

"Your girlfriends didn't mind?" Harry asks instead because saying  _if you were my boyfriend I'd be furious with you for even glancing at anyone that isn't me_  sounds like a bit much. "No, it's not like I cheated on any of them, we'd broken up and I was over at Liam's for our usual movie night and it just sort of happened," he shrugs. Harry would like to stop talking about Liam now. He doesn't want to hear about how magical and all that it was.  _He doesn't care_. "Yeah but they were with you because they thought you were straight." Harry hears how harsh his voice has turned but he chooses to ignore it.

"It's not like I knew I was gay and purposely lied to them Harry, I honestly really liked every single one of them they just weren't right for me," Zayn's voice is defensive now because Harry sounds like he's accusing him of something and if this is why Harry wanted to bring him here Zayn doesn't want to be here anymore. "Besides, I got some of my closest friends out of those relationships." Zayn adds because he's not ashamed of his past. He knows he was in those relationship  _really_  in them but his heart just wasn't. And that isn't his fault.

"And what about Liam?" Harry tries to sound casual about it but he doesn't meet Zayn's gaze and his voice is just a volume lighter. Zayn's lips quirk up a bit, "We've been shagging ever since." Harry's ears heat up and no he's not mad because Liam and Zayn are shagging he couldn't give two shit about that, he's mad because.. Because Liam's with Zayn's other friend Louis. Unless they're not and Zayn and Liam are dating? But why would Zayn kiss Harry if he had a boyfriend? Then he quickly remembers Zayn mentioning his break up or whatever with his boyfriend and now Harry doesn't care about Liam he wants to find the idiot that let Zayn slip right from his fingers - only because Zayn is such a nice person.

Then an image of Zayn kissing Liam is all Harry can see and he feels a bit sick and his chest feels a little tighter and he doesn't like this. "Please tell me you're joking," he barely manages to get out. "Why's it matter?" Zayn shrugs, he's quite enjoying the sight in front of him. Harry looks like he's about to vomit or explode, a mixture of both and his ears are red where they're poking out from his curls. "It doesn't." Harry says sternly but his heart feels like it's in his stomach and he's still trying to shake the terrible image Zayn put in his head.

Zayn laughs, leaning over to peck Harry's cheek just because he can, because Harry's so worked up over nothing and impossibly close and also because just a round 20 minutes ago, Harry was practically throwing himself at Zayn.

"I told you they'd be together!" Zayn hears Louis's obscenely loud voice shout. He looks away from Harry and his now pink cheeks to see all four boys walking toward them. "What the hell is wrong with you! Why did you not tell anyone you were leaving?! Couldn't send a quick text?" Liam slaps Zayn on the back of the head. "Sorry mum," Zayn smiles widely at him and Harry thinks he looks quite cute like that. Then he feels the frown edge onto his lips because he's doing it for Liam. Stupid Liam.

"Can we go now? I'm starving," Louis groans. Zayn gets up and starts to walk along with the rest the group when Harry reaches out to grab his arm, only he grabs his hand instead, ignoring how impossibly right it feels. "What really happened?" Harry's voice sounding a little frantic but doesn't care. "You can calm your little straight head down, we dated for like two weeks but it was weird and weren't really dating that last week of it." Zayn shrugs and sees Harry visibly un-tense. He cocks his head to the side then decides  _fuck it_ and pecks Harry on the lips before catching up to everyone else.

-

Things seem to go smoothly after that and they've almost got a friendly agreement that they aren't together or anything - because Harry's straight - but they can steal kisses whenever they want. That's the way things go for the next few days. The six of them going out as a group but Zayn and Harry always wandering off together. Which usually ends in a heated make out session in a random place and Zayn swears every time his heart flutters or his breath catches in his throat at how absolutely gorgeous Harry looks after with his hair a mess from Zayn's fingers and his lips a bit swollen from it all, that he really needs to get  _it's just kissing_  tattooed somewhere on him.

He's very open about his admiring Harry, calls him pretty and always mutter  _christ, those lips_  after they've just had one of their make out sessions and Harry's lips are the pinkest they ever are. Harry doesn't seem to mind or if he does he doesn't say anything but Zayn thinks he likes it though, his cheeks always giving his lips competition for which can be pinker. He doesn't think Harry's used to those kinds of compliments so Zayn always makes it a point to tell him things like that at least twice a day.

When Harry and Zayn aren't off together or wrapped up in heated kisses they're already planning their next outing together. It's quite cute or at least that's what Louis says to him one night when he'd caught Zayn up at 3 in the morning with his phone firm in his hand. Zayn honestly just feels like a teenage girl and Harry agrees that he too feels that way.

They never really talk about any  _one_  specific thing and it's never weird between them, they just sort of talk about whatever pops into their heads and kiss whenever they feel like. Their most common spot to be is the park. No particular reason, it's just been nice out and there's never really anyone there so they usually have it to themselves. The thing is though, that since they've been spending so much time together they don't exactly know how to be around the others at the same time. Which is proving to be a little difficult tonight when they're all out for drinks and Zayn barely even glances in Harry's direction, he's so caught up in everyone else at the table.

Harry can't stop staring at Zayn all night though and he's almost dragged him outside at least 15 times. He can't help it, he likes being alone with Zayn. He  _doesn't_  like having to sit around and share his attention. He wants Zayn to look at him and talk to him and not laugh at Liam's stupid joke and not banter with Louis and not politely carry a conversation with Niall and his boyfriend Sam. He also kind of wants to kiss him right now. It's become Harry's addiction and he's itching for it. Which is completely normal when being Harry's friend. Harry just likes kissing. It's not a big deal.

"Alright babes?" Zayn asks from across the table, only loud enough for Harry to hear. Harry's heart does that stupid thing that feels like he's about to have a heart attack and his stomach feels all funny again. "Y-yeah, fine," he nods, clearing his throat and looking over to some guy that's been eyeing him since they'd walked in.

Zayn's not completely oblivious, he knows Harry's been watching him all night, he's not sure why but he is and he also knows that the guy just to the left of them has been watching Harry. He doesn't like it. He doesn't like it one bit. Other guys aren't supposed to stare at Harry and Harry isn't supposed to let them. Which is why he used the pet name.

"I'm uh, I'll be back," Harry glances from the guy to Zayn then gets up with a plan in mind. Granted, it's not the easiest plan since he has no idea how to even flirt with a guy and it also isn't the nicest of plans but it's the only thing he's got.

Zayn watches with furrowed eyebrows as Harry walks over to the guy sat alone. He doesn't get what Harry's doing or why he would even walk over to the creep so he's intrigued to say the least. When he swears Harry's flirting; batting his eyelashes, grinning slyly with his hand placed on the guys arm he suddenly feels uneasy. So Harry's gay just not with him then? He rolls his eyes and turns so he's fully facing Louis who is sat next to him. "Where'd your boyfriend go?" he snickers. "He is  _not_  my boyfriend and he's apparently decided he likes boys now," Zayn grumbles, very subtly nodding in their direction. Louis glances over, his face instantly twisting in that Louis way it does when he's upset. "That fucking twat."

"Yeah, well.." Zayn sighs with a shrug then decides he needs a cigarette. "I'm gonna go out for a smoke," he announces and Louis nods acknowledging, his hard stare not leaving Harry and the guy he's so fond of at the moment. "Please behave, he isn't doing anything wrong." Zayn points a finger as he stands to his feet. " _Louis_." He press when Louis doesn't say anything. Louis finally takes his eyes away from the two, "Fine. For now. But I swear to god if the little prick kisses him..." "You'll do nothing. Now turn around and talk to your boyfriend or something please." He waits until Louis's heavy in conversation with the group before he heads out.

Once outside he decides a cigarette isn't what he wants, he wants to go back to his hotel room and mope and eat all the junk he can find and watch a bit of Netflix.

"Zayn," Harry's soft voice carries out in the cold quiet night. Zayn doesn't want to look at him, he doesn't want to see Harry ever again actually. It's one thing for Harry to kiss him and then say he's straight but it's another to swear he's straight then go flirt with some other guy when he knows very well the way Zayn feels about him. "Zayn," Harry tries again when Zayn doesn't even acknowledge him, his voice sounding a little whiney and he hates it. He hates all of this. "What? Get bored again?" Zayn's voice cold and Harry hates that even more. "What?" Harry frowns. "That seems to be the only time I'm relevant to you. When you get bored and want someone to mess with." Harry stays quiet because Zayn's mad at him. Zayn's  _actually_  mad at him and that makes Harry's heart hurt in his chest.

"Zayn, I-" Harry's not sure where he was going with that but Zayn interrupts before he can even finish. "You're straight?" Zayn snorts. "That's not what I was going to say," Harry frowns. "Oh? Surprising since that's all that seems to come out of your mouth, you know, when you're not attacking mine with it." Harry feels like crying. He's always been too emotional for his own good and now is the perfect example. "That's not fair." Now Zayn's decided he's done. He's absolutely 100% done. He kicks off the wall he was leaning on and shoves the unlit cigarette he was fiddling with back in his pocket.

"You're right Harry, it isn't fair." Zayn huffs. "It isn't fair that you just get to kiss me whenever you want and get mad because of Liam and keep showing up and being you but keep telling me you're straight and you don't like boys." Harry's heart is in his throat and he just wants Zayn to not be mad at him anymore.

"Zayn," Harry starts again, looking at the ground. "I don't care anymore Harry," Zayn sighs, walking in the direction of his hotel. Harry's mind goes into overdrive and he feels this panicky feeling. Zayn doesn't care anymore? What does that mean? Does that mean he doesn't care about Harry anymore? Does that mean he's done with Harry? This definitely wasn't supposed to happen. Zayn was just supposed to pay attention to Harry again not hate him. "Wait. Where are you going?" "Home." "Home? Like home home?" Harry frowns, catching up to him. "No Harry," Zayn says irritably because he really just needs Harry to go away. "Back to my hotel."

"I'll come with you," Harry offers even though he's already following Zayn. "Whatever," Zayn mutters not really caring anymore. He's exhausted and wants to put a pin in this conversation with Harry for when he's well rested and doesn't want to cuddle into Harry like he does right now.

"I'm sorry," Harry finally says about halfway through their walk. Zayn groans loudly and Harry stops walking. "What? What did I do wrong this time?" "You can't do that," Zayn sighs. "Apologize?" "Not like that. Not all broken like that with that sad little puppy dog face." He gestures toward Harry's face because  _that_  isn't far. "Sorry," Harry frowns. "Stop."

"But I  _have_  to apologize, you can't be mad at me anymore," Harry pouts. Zayn chews on his lip, deciding he needs to choose his battles. "It's alright," he shrugs. "No." "No?" "No." Harry repeats. "Okay, what do you want then?" "I want to apologize." He says firmly. "You just did Harry." "No, shut up. I want to do it right so no interrupting." Harry points a warning finger and Zayn nods in agreement.

Harry takes a deep breath reminding himself that Zayn likes him. He's all Zayn talks about according to Louis and he also is always talking to Harry which means something - in a friendly way of course.

"I'm sorry I did that in there, you just, you seem to bring out the worst of me- in a good way of course," Harry starts. "I don't know, I panic and flirt with people, you hardly even looked at me all night and I just, I needed to get your attention...?" Harry realizes how ridiculous he sounds but hopes it makes sense. "You're an idiot," Zayn says fondly, placing a quick soft kiss to his lips. "You don't have to flirt with other people to get my attention Harry, you've already got that. All the time. Even when you think you don't." Zayn says truthfully, deciding he's done being mad at Harry for today and he'll take what he can get. "Now c'mon kitten, you're staying to watch films with me," he pulls Harry through the front entrance of the hotel.

Oh yeah, that happens to be Zayn's nickname for Harry. He decided it a couple days ago when Harry'd nuzzled into his hand with his head and he decided Harry was surely a kitten in another life and Harry absolutely eats it up. He loves it when Zayn calls him that and so he happily lets Zayn drag him up to his room, still a bit buzzed from the small kiss he'd gotten only a moment ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to update again on Thursday and if you have any questions or anything feel free to come say hi on [tumblr](http://nicotine-annd-faded-dreams.tumblr.com/). (:


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Great_  Zayn thinks. Now this is 'just sucking dick' what's next? Just fucking? Just getting married? Just adopting a kid? None of it a big deal because no matter what it is Harry swears he's straight. Zayn's scared there wont ever be a not-just-something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I think kissing is the most pure and raw form of physical contact there could ever be. Sex is intimate, sure, but you can have sex with anyone. A kiss though, my god. A kiss can change your world. A small touch between two pairs of lips can blow your mind. Whether it be short and sweet, or long and intense. And when you find someone that looks at you like you’re more beautiful than a blossoming rose; you never want to feel another’s lips against yours ever again.”
> 
> Saw this quote on tumblr and thought it was quite perfect for this story so I wanted to share with all you lovely people. (:

As much as Zayn loves hanging out with Harry and everyone else, he's also always been one to need a bit alone time. It's not that he doesn't enjoy being around them, he just likes quiet sometimes as he tried explaining to Harry when he sulked over the phone that morning and  _swore_  Zayn was just trying to get rid of him ("If you're getting tired of me and don't want to see me, just say so Zayn.") It took around 45 minutes but he eventually got Harry to stop being such a baby and had to do much convincing that he was far from done with Harry which included agreeing to Harry coming over later for movies and cuddles.

Harry's absolutely losing it. He swears time is going extra slow just to spite him and he's dying. He's gone all but 5 hours without Zayn since this thing started and that's only because his body falls asleep without his permission. Time is never enough, Harry thinks. He can go all day talking to Zayn and being around him but nothings ever satisfying, he always needs more. He doesn't like saying bye to Zayn and definitely does not like the idea of being apart from him for a whole day. Which he tells himself is because he and Zayn are such good friends.

But as the day goes by and the longer he stares at the time and the message - or, messages actually - Zayn hasn't replied to, his mind seems to fill with things like Zayn going out and meeting someone whilst having a drink and they'll get along because he wont be a twat like Harry and he'll definitely be more charming and then they'll spend the day together and Zayn will take him to the park because Zayn really likes the park or maybe he'll just take him back to his hotel and then they'll.. do things on the bed, the bed Harry spends most days lounging in lately and then Zayn wont have time for Harry and his kisses anymore and he wont even want Harry around anymore because he'll have the new guy to kiss and cuddle and watch films with. And jesus does Harry's heart hurt.

He's never felt this way before, he thinks if he has he's completely forgotten but he doesn't think so because he'd remember something like this. It hurts too much and his heart feels like it's in his ass and he just wants to see Zayn.

Zayn honestly does nothing with his day. He sleeps a bit more after hanging up with Harry then orders up some room service, watches a few episodes of a show he's started then sleeps a bit more, has a shower then decides to get a coffee and go to the park, finally getting the time to draw it like he's been dying to since they'd gotten here.

He really shouldn't be surprised when Harry shows up after an hour of being there, he's actually surprised it took Harry this long. He watches Harry from across the way since he's not sat where they usually sit but directly across. Harry looks a bit flustered and nervous and hardly glances at Zayn like he's not sure whether or not he should sit or walk over to Zayn or just leave all together. Zayn, like most things that Harry does, finds it quite endearing. He laughs to himself, wrapping his arms around his knees with his sketchpad pressed safely between his chest and his lap. When Harry shuffles around a little and looks like he's about to have a crying fit like a child that hasn't napped, Zayn decides to call him.

He watches Harry answer and put the phone to his ear. "What are you doing?" Zayn chuckles into the phone. Harry looks across the water and ducks to Zayn, his hand playing with his bottom lip but doesn't say anything. "Come over here you knob, unless you'd prefer to stay over there by yourself?" Harry shakes his head and Zayn's smile hasn't left his face. "Good, hurry up," he hangs up and puts his things away while Harry starts toward him. It's not a very huge park so it's not like the little mini lake of ducks puts a big distance between the two and also shouldn't take Harry as long as it does.

"Alright?" Zayn frowns up at Harry whose still got that look on his face. Harry's nervous. He's utterly completely nervous. He's not really sure why though, perhaps because he's spent the whole day dying without Zayn and it's taking everything in him not to sit himself in his lap and attack his lips or maybe it's because Zayn specifically said he wanted a day to himself and Harry's just ruined that because he's an impatient miserable twat. "Erm, yeah, just didn't know if you'd mind me being here." Harry's grown to find it a lot easier to talk to Zayn now that they've talked about just about everything.

"Why would I mind? I'm actually kind of happy to see you," Zayn smiles. "But only kind of." He adds just to tease and when Harry does his usual pout he does when Zayn teases, well, Zayn can't help it, he leans in to press his lips to Harry's. Harry hums in appreciation because he thinks he was about a second away from bursting at the seams without those lips and so what if he pulls Zayn a little closer and goes back in for more, it's just kissing.

-

Later that day, when they've picked up a pizza and are laid out on Zayn's hotel bed with the movie long forgotten, is Harry's absolute hands down most embarrassing moment. They've done this before. They do this all the time actually, they've even been shirtless while doing this like then and Harry's usually really good at the whole self control thing and he can last, honest he can. But Zayn's shirtless and his hands are touching Harry and his lips are sucking on all the right spots and Harry's letting out these high-pitched whiney moans that he doesn't even recognize as his own voice and it's all so much.

Zayn's painfully hard and can feel Harry's just as hard if not harder and he gets lost in how obscenely breathtaking Harry looks right now all needy. Needy for him. The thought alone sends Zayn's head spinning. He doesn't mean to do it, honest he doesn't, it's just that Harry's been firm in his lap for a bit long and he just wanted to shift a little but Harry's so close their crotches brush - for a split second really - and then Harry's making this loud high-pitched groan and his eyes shut tight and Zayn stops because _this is new_.

His eyes are wide as he watches Harry and registers what had just happened. "Did.. did you just...?" Zayn whispers, looking down to see the little wet spot there clear as day on Harry's black jeans. Harry doesn't want to open his eyes, he wants to disappear - just vanish into thin area - he's so devastatingly embarrassed. Zayn's not sure what to do, he honest to god doesn't mind and wont laugh at him if that's what Harry thinks. He's just never really been in this predicament before. His hands come up off Harry's thighs where they'd been resting, his left arm crossing against his chest, his right hand scratching at his scruff.

"I'm-I'm gonna go," Harry says finally, quickly getting off Zayn's lap and god he's even left a spot there. He moves around the room lightning fast and Zayn sits up with creased eyebrows. "Why are you leaving?" Harry ignores him because he is  _not_  going to say  _I'm leaving because I've just cum my pants and I feel like an idiot_. "Harry?" Zayn sighs finding his own shirt. "If this is about what happened it's not a big deal Harry, it happens. In fact one would say that's usually the end point to making out like that." Harry all but cringes. They are not doing this. They are not going to talk about the fact that Harry's just cum his pants.

"I have to go, I'll uh, I'll call you tomorrow," Harry calls back as he rushes out the door. He is mortified to say the least. It was barely even a touch and he came. Just like that. That's never happened before, with anyone, let alone with Zayn. All he keeps seeing is that wet spot he left on Zayn and how absolutely grossed out Zayn must be by it all.

So he trudges back to Niall's with his pity-party self to get rid of his pants that feel sticky in the grossest way possible and thinks maybe he could avoid Zayn for the rest of his life - which he knows isn't even a real option if today was any indication of that.

-

Louis gets Zayn up bright and early the next day shouting about going out for breakfast with everyone - everyone including Harry. After he's dragged himself out of bed and into the shower, he meets Louis and Liam in the lobby and has a cigarette and a half on the way there because he's abnormally nervous to see Harry after last night. He only briefly joins in on Louis and Liam's banter but he can't think straight let alone carrying out witty remarks.

When they get there Niall shouts over at them and then laughs all loud in booming in the way he does and Zayn can't help but smile at it. Zayn likes Niall, they don't have much in common but he thinks no one could know Niall and not like him. He's possibly the nicest person ever and you almost feel like you should protect him at all cost. He hasn't really spent much time with Niall's boyfriend though to decide whether or not he likes him since the guy is always busy with something but he seems nice and Harry says they're really loved up.

"You couldn't have gotten a table away from the front door?" Louis huffs once they've all said polite greetings. "Tell that to Harry," Niall sends the curly haired boy a  _told you so_  look. Harry just rolls his eyes and shakes his head. He's being quiet and doesn't really look up from his phone which okay  _rude,_  Zayn makes him cum and this is what he gets? Then a very unsettling thought settles over Zayn. What if Harry didn't want to cum last night? Obviously he didn't  _mean_  to but what if he didn't like it? What if he thinks Zayn brushed against him on purpose? What if he decided it was all wrong and now he's just grossed out by Zayn and the thought of even looking at him.

It might be a bit far-fetched but Harry isn't the only straight guy he's been with and he knows how quick their feelings can change and he can't help but feel like he's done something wrong as Harry's barely looked at him since they've walked in.

Breakfast goes that way, Harry quiet and on his phone while the rest of them laugh and mess around until Louis notices the lack of Zayn and Harry communication and is surprised they haven't ventured off together yet. He looks from Zayn whose hardly touched his food to Harry on his phone then back to Zayn, giving him a questioning look. Zayn shrugs and is ready to head out for a cigarette and come back in with the excuse of feeling ill when Louis butts in where he's never wanted. "Harry, put your phone away, we are trying to have a nice family breakfast without you being rude please." "Yeah Harold!" Niall snickers and Harry hesitantly puts his phone away, keeping his eyes low on the table though.

They plan out their day and all pile out and that's when Zayn uses his ill excuse. "I'm uh, actually not feeling well, I'm just going to go back to the hotel," he pointedly keeps his eyes away from Harry. Harry frowns because great. Now Zayn doesn't even want to be around him and his nasty uncontrollable jizzy pants. There's a moment of ' _boo_ 's and ' _party pooper_ ' before the rowdy lot stand around a map and bicker on which ways best. That's when Harry reaches out for Zayn hand, frown still firm on his lips. "Why are you going?" Zayn thinks Harry's surely screwing with him because he just spent all morning acting like Zayn wasn't in the room and now he's pouting because Zayn doesn't want to be ignored anymore?

"Thought you wanted me to," Zayn says honestly. "Why would I want you to?" Harry fiddles with Zayn's fingers because he still can't bring himself to look at him. "You're the one that's been acting like I've done something wrong." He shrugs. "What? No, Zayn, you haven't done anything wrong," Harry shakes his head and ighs, frustrated with himself. "So you  _don't_  want to stop kissing me then?" Zayn chuckles light-heartedly. Harry gasps exaggeratedly, "Never!" Zayn laughs a little harder, eyes crinkling and Harry leans in to kiss him because he looks so adorable he has to.

"Alright then, why're you being so mean then?" Zayn says once Harry stops with all the little pecks. Harry sighs and feels his cheeks warm. "It was embarrassing," he mutters. "What?" He looks up to narrow his eyes at Zayn, "What do you think?" It takes Zayn a moment then he remembers what had happened before Harry was so keen on leaving. "What? That you came?" Harry shushes him and looks around to make sure no one heard. "Yes!" Harry hisses. "Why?" Zayn really didn't see the issue. Like he said, it wasn't a big deal. "Because," Harry's voice lowers and he moves them so they're a little further from their friends. "I didn't mean to and you barely even touched me it was.." He trails off.

"That doesn't happen to me." He shakes his head. "You're upset because you came?" Zayn has a small grin playing at his lips. "You're  _actually_  upset because you came when we hadn't done anything?" "It's not funny Zayn,  _you_  didn't even-" Harry stops because the thought of Zayn cumming makes him feel dizzy. Zayn raises his eyebrows amusingly, "I didn't even what Harry?" Harry shakes his head, he isn't going to say it, he doesn't think he can even if he wanted to. "I left a patch on your jeans," Harry groans instead, remembering the horrible image. "Yeah, and?" Zayn pulls him a little closer. "And that is pretty embarrassing."

"You think?" Harry nuzzles into Zayn's neck like he's come to find comfort in and nods his head. "I think it was kind of hot." Zayn's words are so casual like he's talking about the weather and Harry feels all hot and bothered by it. "Yeah?" Harry lifts his head to scan Zayn's face for any sign of him just taking the piss out of him. "Yeah," Zayn nods then announces to the group of boys still fussing over the map that he's going now and Harry's going with him.

-

Harry feels nervous now that they're making out again and Zayn's the one sat in his lap. Harry's nearly naked with just his boxers on but Zayn still has his jeans and shirt on and Harry has to fix that. He pulls at Zayn's shirt and mewls when Zayn pulls away to rid himself of the shirt. Harry can feel Zayn grin against his lips when he leans back in and he knows it's because all the noises he's making but Harry can't help it he just wants more. He's not sure what more is but he wants it. He needs it. He wants to get off again but this time on purpose and maybe with Zayn as well.

Zayn does this thing - rolls his hips into Harry's - and Harry swears he could cum just then. Harry's breath catches in his throat, then he's a muttering mess of  _more more more_  and Zayn's more than happy to comply. When Harry has to pull away, cursing his stupid shitty lungs, Zayn's lips attach to Harry's neck and he nips at a particularly sensitive area that has Harry groaning and he needs  _more_.

Zayn's not sure how far to go with Harry or how far Harry's even willing to go but Harry's panting and mewling so Zayn cautiously runs his hand down Harry's chest and torso, taking a side note of the extra high-pitched moan that comes from Harry when he brushes past his nipple. Harry feels like Zayn's going this slow on purpose and he kind of just wants to shout at him and tell him to do  _something_  already as he isn't even rutting against him anymore.

Harry wasn't sure what 'more' was but now that he does, now that Zayn's hand is palming him through his briefs, he feels like he's going to burst from the inside out at how  _good_  it feels. Then he mumbles  _more_  against Zayn's lips and Zayn's hand is slipping under the waist band of his boxers and he think he might cry at how hard he's trying not to cum right now.

Harry's had his fair share of hand jobs but none of them quite like this one. He doesn't know if it's because it's Zayn or if it's the way Zayn's wrist is twisting in just the right way every time he tugs Harry but he feels like he's about to pass out in pure bliss. At this point Harry can't even put in the effort of kissing Zayn anymore, his head tilting back with those whiney moans still coming. Harry's cheeks are lightly flushed, lashes resting against his cheeks, lips a shade darker than his cheeks and fallen slightly open, eyebrows pulled together and Zayn doesn't think he's ever seen a view so beautiful before. He goes over every inch, color, and crease on Harry's face, taking a mental photo because he thinks he could probably draw it from memory but if he does he wants to be sure it's 100% right.

Zayn starts to suck open mouth kisses down Harry's throat as he does a particularly rough tug then brushes his thumb across the head of Harry's prick and Harry's cumming, Harry's cumming so hard he swears he sees white spots. Zayn presses a firm kiss to Harry's lips then wipes his hand and Harry's abdomen with his shirt. Harry's still coming down from his high when Zayn plops down next to him. When he finally opens his eyes he's reminded of the fact that Zayn's still got his pants on and that's-that's just not fair. Harry suddenly feels sheepish even though he's practically naked and just got off with Zayn's hand. "Sorry." Zayn turns his head to look over at him with creased eyebrows. "For what?"

"You didn't erm," Harry eyes his lower region. "Are you apologizing for not getting me off Harry?" he muses. "No?" Harry doesn't know what he's apologizing for but he thinks maybe it  _is_  for not getting Zayn off. To be quite honest he's actually kind of terrified he wont be able to get Zayn off even if he tried. Then he frowns because, "Do you not..." Harry pauses trying to find the right words without sounding like some needy girlfriend of some sort. "Do you not, like..it?" Harry's never been very insecure especially in the bed department but this is all new territory for him and he can't help but cum when doing this so why doesn't Zayn? The only reason Harry comes up with is that it's because of Harry. Maybe Harry's just not doing something right?

"Of course I like it Harry." But Harry's not convinced. "Why don't you...then? Do you just never? Or is it me? Because if it's me I'd like to know what I'm doing wrong." Harry's mouth is just sort of saying things he's thinking so he cuddles into Zayn's side for comfort and shelter. "Harry, I can assure you it isn't you. I don't mind taking of you rather than myself I can do that after," Zayn shrugs and Harry's mind is fussy with the thought of Zayn wanking himself off he has to bite his lip from moaning. "Still," Harry mumbles, head resting on Zayn chest. "It's a bit insulting, Zayn." Zayn chuckles. "I'm sorry I didn't cum Harry, I'll make sure to do that next time." Harry knows he's teasing but all Harry hears a promise of next time.

"Good. I'm holding you to that." He mutters, eyelids feeling too heavy to keep open any longer.

-

Harry's all giggly and beaming a couple days after and everyone has to ask at least once what he's on and he just giggles some more and says  _nothing_  then glances at Zayn. Zayn likes this Harry, he's not exactly sure why Harry's so giddy but it's definitely...cute. They spend the day as a group, Harry stealing a few kisses every now and again but keeps his distance for the most part, not wanting to seem needy on Zayn or anything but god does he just want to latch himself onto Zayn. This is all very new to Harry. Not just the boy part but all this neediness. He's never been one to constantly need or give this much attention from or to one specific person. In fact it's quite a big flaw of his to sort of get bored after a while, something his girlfriends constantly complain about.

This isn't the reason he's been so giddy though. He's decided last night that today would be that 'next time'. He's done all his research and even practiced while Niall was out with his boyfriend. He's nervous but he feels buzzed, he can't wait to get Zayn off and finally get to see Zayn cum. He tries not think too much about  _gay, straight, friendly_  and whether he likes it or not and decides it's just something he wants to try. Everyone has an experimental faze and this could just be his - which is what he told Niall when he started nagging at Harry about spending too much time with Zayn for someone who swears he doesn't like boys.

It's simple really, Harry doesn't like boys. He likes Zayn.

Once they've had dinner and everyone is complaining about how stuffed and knackered they are Harry asks Zayn if he could come back to his which of course Zayn doesn't object to.

-

"Zayn," Harry says carefully, bored of this movie now. Zayn gives him a hum, expecting the usual from Harry, probably a joke or some ridiculous question. "Will you...can I..." He sighs frustratedly because he's been so giddy thinking about the end point to this plan that hadn't thought about the starting point. I mean sure he's never really done this before but surely he has to ask right? He can't exactly just throw himself at Zayn or just undo his pants but he honestly didn't think it'd be  _this_  hard. It sure wasn't in head when he went over this. Zayn's eyebrows pull together, he has no idea what Harry's up to but he has a feeling it has to do with the way he's been acting all day. "Can you what Harry?"

Harry feels like he's turning himself in for murder or something and he can hardly breathe really. He decides he needs to suck it up - mentally laughing at himself for the pun, thinks he'll share it with Zayn after, if all goes as planned that is. "Erm, I'm not sure how this works exactly," he begins, clambering onto Zayn lap because  _hey baby steps_. "I want... I'd like to - if you're alright with it - erm, maybe try something?" "What kind of try something? Like more kissing?" Zayn's hands coming up to land on Harry's hips. "No, well that too, but I was thinking something more... next level."

Zayn can see the nerves practically bouncing off Harry so he places a soft kiss to the corner of Harry's lips then a quick peck to his pink lips. "Relax," he nudges Harry's nose with his own, thumbs rubbing small circles to the smooth skin under his t-shirt. "Now, what kind of next level are you talking about?" Zayn asks again, more softly now after Harry takes a deep breath. "I don't know, like stuff that comes after all the kissing," Harry sighs. "So, what? Like, hand jobs?" Zayn knows Harry's never been with a guy before well, other than when Zayn had gotten him off so he's sure Harry can't be thinking of anything further than that, he's sure Harry probably wants to return the favor.

"No," Harry shakes his head then buries his face in the crook of Zayn's neck. "Like, I don't know...a blow job?" Harry cringes because he's positive there is a smoother way to ask that and he's really missing his charm and ease and that excitement from earlier right about now. "You want to suck my dick?" Zayn can't help the breathy chuckle that slips his lips because he finds it quite sweet how nervous all this makes Harry. Harry however, does not appreciate the chuckle because that isn't fair. Zayn can't chuckle at him, he's never done this before and that took a lot for him to ask without Zayn laughing at him.

"No." He huffs, cheeks burning as he detaches himself from Zayn. Zayn watches Harry sit back on his side of the bed - a good few inches between them - his arms crossed and a firm pout set on his lips. "Did you just ask if you could blow me?" Zayn tilts his head, giving Harry a skeptical look because he knows he did but he's not sure Harry's really thought this through. "No. Just leave it." Harry grumbles miserably, already planning his own death, thinks he could maybe use the phone cord or perhaps drop some water on it and electrocute himself, maybe he could just break the glass window and throw himself from there. Anything to get out of this horrendously embarrassing situation.

"Harry, if you want to suck my dick, you don't have to ask." Harry narrows his eyes at him because he  _did_  ask and so what of he did? It was the polite thing to do. "But I  _did_  ask and you just laughed at me," he bites. Zayn frowns because he didn't mean to upset Harry, he wasn't even laughing at him, at least not in a mean way. "M'sorry babes, I wasn't laughing at you, just thought it was cute is all." That's even more not fair, Harry thinks. Zayn can't just throw around a pet name like that when Harry is  _trying_  to be mad at him. "Cute? You think it's  _cute_  that I want to put your dick in my mouth? I'm not exactly sure how the gay thing works but that doesn't exactly sound right." Harry huffs.

Zayn rolls his eyes because Harry is clearly in one of his moods. Which means he wont stop sulking until Zayn makes him. So Zayn lets out a sigh, swallows his pride this time and sits himself in Harry's lap. Harry wont let him take his hands from where they're firmly tucked beneath his armpits and wont even look at him he's being so difficult. Zayn places his hands on either side of Harry's cheeks, guiding Harry's face so that he has to look at Zayn.

"Will you please stop sulking, so I called you cute? I also call you pretty, you don't seem to mind that." "That's different, you said it was cute that I asked to suck you off like it's funny, like I'm a joke." Harry frowns. Zayn brushes his thumbs over Harry's warm pink cheeks then leans down to place a soft, firm, kiss to his lips. "I know you're not a joke Harry, it just caught me off guard is all," Zayn shrugs. Harry chews the inside of his cheek and darts his eyes away from Zayn. "Do you..." he starts, feeling like he's about cry from embarrassment any minute now, he swears it's a hundred times more embarrassing than when he jizzed his pants. "Do you want me to?"

Harry glances back at Zayn when he's taking too long, or at least longer than necessary and Harry doesn't like it. He also thinks this means no. Zayn's clearly trying to come up with an easy way to break it to Harry and Harry's ready to pack his things and go.

"Christ, Harry, of course I want you to, I don't think that's even a question." Harry sighs a breath of relief. "But.." he bites his lip. "But have you even..." Zayn trails off feeling a bit breathless by it all. "No, so it probably wont be any good but I was hoping maybe you'd help me through it?" Harry's not so nervous anymore because at least now he knows Zayn wants him to do it. "I don't know, are you sure you want to do this? This isn't exactly  _just kissing_." Zayn repeats Harry's words and now he really wants Harry to do this. Wants to fuck into his stupid pink mouth so Harry can't tell his stupid friend that this is ' _just kissing_ '.

"I know that Zayn," Harry says exasperatedly. "This isn't just something I randomly thought up now. I want do this. I want..I want to taste you...?" Harry whispers the last part because he's not sure how dirty talk works when it's two guys but he thinks what he says is right since there's a low groan at the back of Zayn's throat then his lips are on Harry's in a desperate kind of way. Harry likes this. Likes that Zayn can be so needy with him too even when it's just kissing. He also likes the little moans that slip from the brown eyed boy every so often. Harry thinks that's where all his confidence comes from. At least with Zayn since that's the only time his confidence seems to leave him. He thinks it has something to do with a sort of reassurance that he isn't the only one that wants here.

His hand slips under Zayn's shirt, running over his smooth, warm skin. Harry's seen Zayn shirtless - obviously - they've had plenty of shirtless make out sessions but that doesn't mean he's any less breathtaking each time.

"Harry, Harry, wait," Zayn breathes, all but prying Harry's hands from his belt buckle. "What?" Harry groans. "Are you  _sure_?" Zayn curses his good conscience because why is he even hesitating right now? Harry's just offered to get him off with his mouth. This is what he's wanted since he's set eyes on that mouth of his. "God, yes Zayn. Now please stop asking." Harry leans up, catching Zayn's lips to seal the promise. "Alright," Zayn mumbles against his lips. "But you're going to need to slow down." Harry pouts when he pulls away. "Will you please stop interrupting? I am  _trying_  to suck my first dick here."

Zayn chuckles, climbing off Harry to sit on the edge of the bed. He leans over to grab a pillow, tossing it to the ground then gesturing for Harry to come over. He knows he could have just had Harry do it on the bed but he thinks this way is better, it'll be harder for him to lose control and accidentally rock his hips too far or something. Harry crawls over, eyes blown wide and lips already swollen from kissing.

Harry tosses his shirt off because it isn't fair he's still got all his clothes on when Zayn's about to be naked. He kneels on the pillow, Zayn cradling his cheek and pressing a chaste kiss his lips. "Don't rush it, we've got all the time and please do not hurt yourself," he says whole-heartedly. "I'm just going to suck your dick Zayn, s'not like I'm running with scissors," Harry gives a boyish-giggle.  _Great_  Zayn thinks. Now this is 'just sucking dick' what's next? Just fucking? Just getting married? Just adopting a kid? None of it a big deal because no matter what it is Harry swears he's straight. Zayn's scared there wont ever be a not-just-something.

"I know that Harry, you know what a hazard you are. Just don't push it yeah?" Harry nods and now he's nervous again. Zayn places another reassuring kiss to his lips then goes to undo his belt. Harry wants to do that though, so he slaps Zayn's hands away, replacing them with his own shaky hands. Zayn leans back on his hands, letting Harry take over, shaky hands and all. Harry fumbles with the stupid belt for what feels like forever until he wants to shout and maybe cry a little because this is supposed to be going smoother. "Hey, s'alright, relax," Zayn coos, grabbing Harry's hands from where they've been struggling and places a kiss to each one before undoing the belt himself.

"Are you  _still_  sure?" Zayn asks again because you can never be too sure. Harry sighs irritably, "Yes. I'm just a bit..nervous." "I know, that's why I told you to take your time babe." Harry nods and takes a deep breath. He's kinda glad Zayn's going to be the first dick he sucks. He can't wait to tell his friends and show them how gorgeous Zayn is. But then he frowns because he doesn't want to do that. He wants this to stay between him and Zayn. Only because he doesn't want to share Zayn. He likes being alone with Zayn, he likes having Zayn to himself, likes that there's no real competition especially when he thinks Zayn and his other mate would get along quite nicely.

"Alright?" Zayn asks when Harry's too caught up in his own head to remember he's supposed to be pulling Zayn pants down now. He nods and decides this  _has_  to be good. This has to be so good Zayn wont ever want another person to suck his dick again. This has to be so good it's what Zayn will ever think about and then he'll obviously want to stay with Harry forever. Done and done.

Harry pulls Zayn's pants down with ease as Zayn had un-done his own button and zip as well after the belt.

This is all getting very real for Harry and when the time comes to pull his briefs down he's sure he's siked himself out about halfway already. Zayn's dick springs from its confinement and Harry's mouth waters at the sight. Zayn watches Harry's tongue poke out and slide between his lips as his eyes settle on Zayn's length. He knows Harry's nervous so he doesn't say anything when Harry doesn't really make a move even if he is shamefully hard already. Harry's not sure what to do first, from what he's gathered from the few porn videos he watched last night - which were apart of his research - there's a few tactics he could go with but he settles for licking a line up the side where there's a particular vein making an appearance.

Zayn sucks in a breath and clenches a fist full of white hotel sheets in his hands. "Good?" Harry asks almost excitedly. "Yeah babe, very good," Zayn nods encouragingly. Harry's next tactic is to just take Zayn in his mouth, it's not so much a tactic as a need for it. "W-watch the teeth," Zayn hisses and Harry immediately pulls back. "Sorry," he frowns completely forgetting about that. "S'okay," Zayn brushes Harry's curls from his face. Harry goes back in, telling himself he's really overthinking this and to just remember what the guys did in the videos and what that one article said.

This time, he hollows his cheeks, keeping his lips tight around Zayn and giving himself a nice, steady, rhythm. Zayn moans and groans every now and again and Harry stores those sounds for later. He's sure he's doing it all wrong though and he's already gagged twice so his eyes are a bit watery and he's positive his tongue has a mind of its own and is most likely ruining it further. "Harry, you don't need to put it all in your mouth, you could use your hand too you know." Zayn says after the third time Harry gags but he doesn't want to. He knows how much Zayn likes his mouth so he wants this to be just his mouth.

Just when he thinks he might be getting the hang of it, he gags once more only this time it goes a bit further and he feels their dinner from earlier come up.

Harry wants to cry. No. He's already crying. He wants to die. To go crawl into some deep dark hole in the middle of nowhere and just die. He can't believe he's just thrown up on not just Zayn but Zayn's dick. It also doesn't help that Zayn first reaction his to get up without a word as he heads for the bathroom. Harry sits on his bum with his legs tucked to his chest not even bothering to clean himself up because he feels like such an idiot. He  _is_  an idiot. Zayn will probably be so disgusted with him he'll never want to see him again and sure as hell wont ever let him near his dick again.

Zayn's heart just about stops at the sight of the seemingly small boy sat on the floor, folded in on himself and sniffing with tears. "Harry," Zayn's voice soft and gentle as he sits beside him. "Hey, it's alright, it happens," he sooths, tucking Harry into his side and resting his head on his. "No it doesn't, you're just saying that. It's gross.  _I'm_  gross. You probably want me to go now." Zayn shakes his head, "No, quite the opposite actually. Now will you let me clean you up so we can have a cuddle?" Harry lifts his head and Zayn just wants to scoop him up and tell him anything he wants to hear. Anything to get him to his normal charming self.

"Oh babes," Zayn sighs, wiping down Harry's eyes then his tear stained cheeks and then the left over vomit around his mouth. "I practiced, I swear." Harry cries some more. "It's alright Harry, really," Zayn holds his face in his hands and kisses the corner of his lips. He tosses the wash cloth in the direction of the bathroom then stands to his feet, offering Harry his hand. When he takes it Zayn undoes his pants and helps him out them before leading him back onto the bed and under the covers for a proper cuddle.

"I ruined everything." he lets Harry cuddle into him and pets his curls the way Zayn know's he likes. "No, you did quite alright kitten. It was your first time, you just took a bit too much." Zayn sure not to say  _told you so_  because Harry's already giving himself a hard time as it is. Harry smiles at the nickname. He likes it when Zayn calls him that but he especially likes that Zayn doesn't over-use it. He saves it for the important moments like now when Harry's just thrown up on him and is crying like a baby whilst having a pity party for himself.

"Thanks Zee," Harry hums, nuzzling into the crook of Zayn's neck to place a kiss there. "We can always try again," Zayn leans down to kisses Harry's forehead and holds a little tighter. "You'd still want that? But I just vomited on you," Harry looks up at him through lashes. "Of course I do Harry, when will you learn I'd do just about anything you ask of me kitten." Zayn mumbles quietly, so quiet Harry barely hears it but his heart does that weird thing and he places a kiss to Zayn's bare chest.

Harry's sure Zayn's sleeping not even a minute after that mainly because Zayn's breath has evened out into soft heavy breaths and also because Zayn falls asleep just about anywhere, doesn't matter the time. He smiles to himself never feeling so warm and bubbly, he doesn't even want to go to sleep he feels so buzzed. He's also hyper-aware of every inch of Zayn's skin on his own and he likes the feel. It's definitely a close second to the feel of Zayn's lips.

He's not sure how long he stays up tracing things on Zayn skin but his lids start to get heavy and he doesn't know whether or not to go to sleep or put his clothes back on and go back to Niall's. They didn't talk about whether or not Harry was going to sleepover but they also hadn't talked about Harry sucking his dick either - or at least attempting to anyway. So, Harry decides he's going to stay. He wants to stay.

"Night Zee," he mumbles, place a kiss to Zayn cheek and settling his head on his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a thing for inexperienced, nervous, Harry and comforting, understanding, Zayn if ya couldn't tell. I'll try to update again tomorrow or the day after and if you have any questions or anything feel free to come say hi on [tumblr](http://nicotine-annd-faded-dreams.tumblr.com/). (:


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Harry's shitty lungs stop feeling like they're going to explode and he finally comes down from his high he turns his head to look at Zayn who meets his gaze with a lazy smile and looks even more breathtaking fully naked than he does with clothes on which Harry honestly didn't think was possible. He turns on his side fully, grabbing Zayn's hand and with a giggle he whispers, "I made you cum." Zayn laughs light and lazy, "Told you, you could."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! (:
> 
> Please read the end notes, I'm dying for some fan art.

The morning after Harry's embarrassing vomit incident, after he's gone back to Niall's and changed and they're all sat eating breakfast, he finds the smile on his face permanent. He also finds his eyes glued on Zayn. They're sat next to each so it's painfully obvious and not at all subtle gazing but he can't help it. He doesn't think he's ever woken up in such a bliss. He was also right about Zayn looking all fluffy and soft in the morning all wide eyes and lazy smile but nothing he could have ever imagined could live up to the actual thing. He was tempted to take a photo of it just so he'll never forget even though he's sure he never will.

They cuddled for a good portion of the morning, tangled up together still in just their boxers and when he decided he should probably go change before breakfast, Zayn sent him off with a sweet kiss. Harry honestly feels like he's walking on air and everything is brighter and he just feels really happy.

He watches Zayn talk and banter and laugh all adorable and crinkly-eyed and he really has no control of his hand as he intertwines their fingers in Zayn's lap. Zayn glances at him curiously and Harry only smiles wider and pecks his cheek. Zayn smiles at that, chuckling a little before going back to talking to everyone else and now Harry doesn't mind that not all Zayn's attention is on him because he may be bickering with Louis again or smiling at Niall's laugh or pinching Liam's cheek but he's holding  _Harry's_  hand.

Harry really wants a redo of last night but maybe skip the dinner. He wants to make Zayn feel good. Like how Zayn makes him feel. He wants to show Zayn that  _okay maybe this isn't just kissing_.

He also doesn't want to mess up again and that's his biggest fear, that he wont ever get it right and then what? Zayn will want nothing to do with him and that..that makes something in Harry feel off. He doesn't realize he's frowning until Zayn nudges his hand and whispers, "Alright?" Harry just nods but he's not sure he's alright. He probably wont be alright until he's made it up to Zayn. Until he knows for sure whether or not it really is his fault Zayn hasn't cum when their together.

Zayn likes to think he knows Harry well enough to know when he's lying but he also doesn't want to make a big deal out of it around everyone else so he leaves it for now and settles for rubbing his thumb against Harry's hand that's laced with his. He doesn't have time to dwell on it as Liam all but climbs into his lap pouting about Louis being mean to him - Harry's hand dropping from his own. He shouts at Louis about being mean to his boyfriend which Louis simply replies with the defense of  _maybe he shouldn't disagree with me then_. The two go back and forth for another 5 minutes before they're back to sitting next to each other and holding hands.

Zayn looks over at Harry because he's just now realized Harry's taken his hand away from his and he doesn't like the feel. Harry's not looking at him anymore, in fact he's sat on the other side of the table now with a pout set firm on his lips. If Zayn wasn't absolutely worried he's done something wrong he would find it quite adorable. He tries to nudge Harry's foot under the table to get his attention but that doesn't work because Harry's apparently set on ignoring him. He doesn't like the feeling being ignored by Harry brings and he also doesn't like this meaning Harry's upset with him.

He doesn't know what he's done wrong but he swears he'll never do it again if this is the consequence.

He tries to get Harry's attention again when they're all walking out onto the street but Harry still ignores him, even pulls his arm away from him. Zayn just wants to know what he's done wrong so he can fix it. He thinks maybe he wasn't paying enough attention to Harry but no that can't be it because Harry held his hand and didn't seem all that bothered with him talking to everyone else, plus Harry would have just told Zayn that. He tries the whole way to the park to analyze every last minute of breakfast but comes up with nothing. It was like one minute Harry was all giddy and holding his hand and the next Harry was pouting and ignoring him. He's honestly not even sure there  _is_  a reason Harry's mad anymore.

When they get to the park they all lay out on the grass and Liam asks if Zayn's drawn the park yet. "I started the other day yeah but I'm still not done, haven't really had the time," Zayn answers with a glance toward Harry who looks at him like Zayn's kept something from him. "You draw?" Niall asks from where he's laid out on possibly the only spot of grass with sun. "Uh, yeah, a little," Zayn shrugs modestly. "A little? He's great innit he Payno," Louis looks down at Liam whose got his head in his lap. "The best," Liam beams. Zayn smiles but then hears Harry's little huff and frowns over at him. He wants to crawl the few inches between them and sit himself in Harry's lap and tell him to stop being mad at him and kiss him all over until he does and he would if all their stupid friends weren't here.

This is why Zayn likes being alone with Harry, because then it's not weird and they don't have to worry about their friends' stupid comments and they can sit in each others lap and cuddle and kiss all they want and Zayn could ask Harry what he's having such a strop about.

"Oh look! Those kids just left, can we  _please_  go play on the playground now?" Louis asks excitedly and Niall's the first to agree with a laugh. Zayn's getting ready to turn down the offer because Harry most likely wont want to and then they'll be alone to talk but then Liam's standing in front of him with Louis on his back and they're both shouting  _c'mon Zaynie_ and so Zayn has to go really.

Harry watches all five boys run around laughing on the all too small playground and he thinks he'd probably join them or at least laugh at how ridiculous they all look if he wasn't feeling so miserable. He's said it once and he'll say it again, he doesn't like sharing Zayn. He thought he was fine with the hand holding and he was until it wasn't a reminder that Harry was there, and it was just forgotten in all the Louis and Liam banter as Liam look his spot in Zayn's lap.

He gets up, deciding a walk would do him good and help clear his head, it's also a great excuse to get away from all this Liam and Zayn. He knows Liam and Louis are dating and that it's completely unreasonable for him to be angry with Zayn because he's hanging out with his best friend but he doesn't care. His chest feels tight and he kind of feels so angry he wants to cry. He also briefly lets his mind wander to those two weeks Zayn said he dated Liam. He thinks Liam probably sucked Zayn's dick and he's sure he didn't vomit all over him and that he probably got Zayn off.  _At least somebody can_.

Playing stops being fun when Zayn sees Harry walking away. He thinks now would be a good time to go over and talk to him so they can sort this out and go back to kissing and holding hands but he's also scared Harry will pull away from him again. That was possibly the worst feeling he's ever felt and never wants to feel it again. But he also hates Harry being upset even more so he goes after him.

Harry's barely sat on the bench a few seconds before Zayn's there and sitting next to him. His stubborn mind wont admit it but he's glad Zayn followed him. They sit quietly for a bit, looking at nothing in particular before Zayn finally speaks. "Are you going to talk to me now?" Harry ignores him mainly because he's not exactly sure how to word why he's so upset with Zayn because it honestly shouldn't matter what Zayn does and who he does it with. "Will you at least tell me what I did wrong?" Zayn glances at him, feeling like he's about burst any second now if Harry doesn't stop ignoring him. " _Harry_."

"I don't know," Harry sighs. "You don't know what?" Zayn's eyebrows knitting together. "I don't know what you did, I can't explain it." Harry's just frustrated now. He'd like to stop feeling this way so he can get on with kissing Zayn and his plan to make him cum. "You don't know why you're angry with me?" But that's the thing. Harry's not angry at Zayn, his anger is more towards Liam. Zayn didn't  _do_  anything. Which he guesses is also part of the problem. "You just, I don't know, you didn't do anything." Zayn's mildly confused and this is all giving him a headache because if he didn't do anything then why is Harry ignoring him? "Clearly I did something."

Harry runs his fingers through his fairly long locks, tugging a bit because he feels like crying again. Only because this is all so frustrating.

"No,  _that's it_. You didn't  _do_  anything." "Harry-" but Harry doesn't let him finish because his head has too much going through it right now and he just needs to get it all out so he can think properly again. "Liam sat in your lap and  _you_   _didn't_   _do_   _anything_. No, actually, you did do something, you let go of my hand and completely forgot I was there. And that's not fair because I don't usually go around holding guys' hands and I definitely don't go around watching gay porn and reading articles on what to do and what feels good for hours and I don't usually spend my nights practicing sucking dick on a cucumber but I did for you and I know it was horrible and I vomited all over you but I tried. I  _really_  tried. But I just can't get you off and that's also not fair because I'm sure Liam's got you off with his mouth and I  _know_  you like my mouth so if he can get you off then why can't I?"

Zayn takes the information as it comes and he doesn't think he's ever been so fond of anyone before. He didn't know Harry went through all that trouble just for him, sure Harry said it wasn't a spur of the moment decision and yes he may have mentioned practicing but Zayn hadn't thought much of it and definitely didn't think Harry'd gone through so much planning. He also had no idea Harry would mind Liam sitting in his lap, it wasn't like when Harry did it. Liam was his best friend and it was nothing but playful and now all Harry's huffing and puffing makes sense.

"Harry, I had no idea you'd gone through so much trouble just for me, you really didn't have to." Zayn starts and Harry shrugs, kicking a rock at his feet. "That being said, you honestly did so good babe, you just took more than you could handle which is what I warned you about, you don't just get it right the first time Harry, baby steps. Like I said, we can always try again. Even if you do vomit on me a few more times," he chuckles in good measure, Harry cracking a smile. "And as for Liam sitting in my lap, that was nothing. He was only playing babes, and you're wrong about him sucking my dick, we hardly even kissed it was so weird - like I told you. Now please stop being upset because Liam has nothing on you and your pretty mouth, kitten."

Harry's cheeks warm with the compliment and he grows a small smile, finally facing Zayn. "And will you please stop saying you don't get me off because honestly Harry, what do you think I wank to?" Zayn adds cheekily, nudging Harry's nose with his own and catching Harry's giggle with a kiss.

-

It's safe to say they venture off after that, well, after more kisses because Harry decides they need to make up for lost time this morning and he also needs to reclaim his spot in Zayn's lap, ridding it of any left over 'Liam cooties'. They walk around for a bit, holding hands - much to Zayn's surprise - then decide on stopping at a little bakery where Harry tells Zayn all about the bakery he worked at and still tries to work at a few weeks out of the summer and all the lovely old ladies that worked with him all while Zayn sits and listens with that fond look in his eye he can't help.

After that they stop by Zayn's hotel so he can grab his bag with his sketchpad and pencils then go back to the park.

"Why didn't you tell me you could draw?" Harry asks from where he's laid out on the ground with his legs tucked under Zayn's. "Dunno, you didn't ask," Zayn shrugs. "Yeah but I also didn't ask about you and Liam kissing but you told me that." Zayn gives him a pointed look which Harry only responds to with a wide child-like smile. "It's your fault I don't like Liam, really," Harry breathes casually, tucking his hands beneath his head. "I already told you there's nothing there, Harry." "You also said he has nothing on me and my pretty mouth," Harry beams with a little giggle. "That I did," Zayn chuckles at the innocence in Harry's giggle, like a little kid that's just swore for the first time.

"Do you think they're that pretty? Really?" Harry's fingers coming up to brush against his lips. "The prettiest," Zayn looks away from his drawing only for a second to lean down and place a quick peck to them, getting a whine from Harry becauseit apparently wasn't long enough.

"Do you draw often?" Harry goes back to the drawing because he doesn't think his cheeks can take anymore Zayn compliments. "Yeah I guess," Zayn answers absentmindedly. "Will you draw me some day?" Harry looks up at him but he's too busy drawing. Harry likes the way Zayn looks while he's drawing, very concentrated and focus and incredibly..good-looking. "Already have." And Harry wasn't expecting that because when could Zayn have possibly had time to do that? "I want to see it," Harry decides. "I'll show you after this." "What am I doing in it? When did you even draw it? Is it me throwing up?" Zayn laughs along with Harry at the last one. "You're an idiot." "And yet you still put up with me," Harry smiles up at him. "Yeah, it's the lips." Zayn teases.

"I knew it. Knew you were just in it for the pretty lips. Why god? Why would you put such a curse upon me?!" Harry shouts dramatically and Zayn's so far gone for the idiot he has to carefully set his things aside and kiss him properly now. He swallows Harry's laughter as their lips press together, Zayn straddling Harry's waist. "You're an absolute knob you know?" Zayn mumbles against his lips then sits up right to get a better look at his face. "Thought I was a twat?" Harry chuckles. "That too," Zayn pecks his lips once, twice, three times, then lays next to him.

"Can I see the drawing of myself now please?" Harry places his chin on Zayn's stomach, looking up at him through lashes. Zayn reaches for the sketchpad and skips the first few pages, meaning to get rid of those drawings and goes to the one he drew that night he got Harry off. There's a couple drawings of Harry in the sketchpad but he wanted to show Harry this one first, just to see his cheeks turn pink. Harry sits up right, crossing his legs as Zayn hands him the pad and watches Harry's eyes - that are a grayish color today oppose to their usual green and Zayn can't decide which he prefers - scan over the page, his cheeks turning pinker than Zayn could have hoped for.

"That's me," Harry looks up from the page. "Is it? I had no idea," Zayn teases, playing with Harry's fingers that aren't holding the drawing. "But thats...I'm..." Harry doesn't want to say it because he's sure his cheeks and ears will burn with a blush. "Never seen yourself cum before?" Harry's sure Zayn's just teasing and he doesn't have to but he still answers his question with a shake of the head. "When did you.." Harry trails off again because he's still trying to wrap his head around this without overheating with a blush. "When you fell asleep after I wanked you off," usually Zayn doesn't talk this blunt about bedroom things but he seems to like what it does to Harry. "But I'm, this is me in your lap."

"It is," Zayn says matter-of-fact. "But I wasn't in your lap that night." "No you were not." Harry gives Zayn a look of confusion - which Zayn finds quite cute. "It's not from that night."  _Not from that night?_  Harry thinks utterly confused. If it's not from that night when is it fro-. "Zayn," Harry narrows his eyes at him because  _no he did not._  "Yes?" Zayn smiles smugly, looking up at him with those big honey brown eyes of his and those stupidly pretty, long, lashes. "Where is this from?" Zayn only smiles up at him all child-like and that's all the confirmation he needs. He groans, covering his face with the hand Zayn was playing with, causing him to frown. "You did  _not_  draw my most embarrassing moment." He peeks down at the drawing and, "God, Zayn. You  _had_  to draw the wet spot."

Zayn gives a boyish giggle. "Really Harry? Your  _most_  embarrassing moment?" Harry sends him a glare because, "That isn't the point." "C'mon, it was cute," Zayn grins, taking his hand again. "No it was not cute, it was devastating." "Don't be so dramatic kitten, it was the first time I saw you come undone," Zayn hopes to ease Harry's apparent embarrassment. "That was the first time that's ever happened to me." Harry's voice just above a whisper. "Guess I'm just that good, eh?" Zayn smirks up at him. "Don't flatter yourself," Harry rolls his eyes with a small smile.

"You really weren't grossed out by it?" Harry asks as he begins flipping through the pages. "No, Harry, like I said, it was the first time I got to see you cum and it quite the sight." Harry crinkles his nose at him in a  _well aren't you just the cutest_  kind of way then leans down to kiss him. Zayn wants to tell Harry how intimate that was to see him hit his climax and how absolutely honored Zayn is to even get to have a glimpse at Harry in his most vulnerable state but he thinks that's a bit heavy for Harry.

"Is this.." Harry trails off and Zayn wants to snatch the sketchpad from him because Harry wasn't supposed to see that one but Harry's quick to move the sketchpad from his reach. "Harry," Zayn sighs. Harry's not sure what this new feeling is but he kind of wants to cry and shout and punch this guy in the face all at once. Obviously he didn't think Zayn's only drawn him but he didn't need to see it. He didn't need to see the incredibly good-looking shirtless guy in black briefs holding a drink in his hand. He wants to tear it out and rip up in tiny pieces and ask Zayn why he even has the stupid drawing still. His heart hurts again but more than before because this guy, he had Zayn in more than every way Harry does. It looks very domestic and he thinks Zayn and this guy probably lived together and that's far more serious than whatever  _this_  is.

"Harry please stop looking at that, it's an old drawing I've been meaning to throw out." Zayn's not sure why this feels so bad or why Harry looks so sad because he and Harry aren't together or anything and that's on Harry but still, he feels like he needs to make Harry feel better and to stop thinking about the picture because honestly, it means nothing. It's not even a good memory. Zayn had drawn it one morning the two'd been fighting.

"S'fine," Harry shrugs but his voice cracks and he can't stop staring at the picture. Zayn sighs, taking the pad from his hand and sitting up on his knees to be leveled with Harry. "Honest that picture doesn't mean anything Harry, do you want to know what that picture is? That's him drinking at 7 in the morning shouting about something I don't even remember because that's how long ago it was. There's a reason I'm no longer with him." Zayn's hands cupping Harry's cheeks, cursing himself for not tearing that out before. Harry doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what to say if he's being honest. he just wants to stop hurting and feeling like Zayn's just going to leave him here any second now.

Zayn puts his things away and pulls Harry up to his feet, walking them the little distance to the hotel.

-

Once they're inside and Zayn's dropped his bag to the floor after sitting Harry on the bed he climbs onto Harry's lap, kissing the corner of his mouth and trailing kisses down his neck. He's determined to get Harry to forget that stupid picture. Harry happily takes the soft kisses with strained groans from the back of his throat and soon gets lost in the way Zayn's lips feel against his skin. Zayn finally meets Harry's lips for a hungry kiss after he's sucked open-mouthed kisses down his throat.

Zayn's hands slip under Harry's shirt and Harry lifts his arms to let it slip off him. Their lips only part for a second then their back together like magnets. Zayn pushes Harry down on the bed, his left hand flat beside Harry's head, the other fumbling to get Harry's belt undone. He sits back, reluctantly pulling away from Harry's lips to toss his shirt aside and properly undo Harry's belt, button and zip.

Harry's heart is beating in his ears and he doesn't think he's ever been so eager to be naked. Zayn pulls his pants down but Zayn's are still buttoned and Harry doesn't like that so he goes for Zayn's belt, happy to see his hands working properly today and gets him undone within seconds. Zayn huffs because they both have their shoes on so they both have to pull apart and stand to kick those off along with their socks and shimmy out of their jeans. Zayn hadn't planned on being completely naked with Harry but Harry shakes his head at Zayn and goes to pull his boxers down when he leaves those on.

Zayn also wasn't expecting Harry to be so confident in sucking kisses down Zayn's chest and torso and he definitely wasn't expecting Harry to drop to his knees and take Zayn in his hand with little effort. Harry feels like he has something to prove. Like  _hey, you may have a picture of your ex but just remember how good I can make you feel with my mouth_. And so he pumps Zayn like he would himself a few times then leans in to lick the tip is a teasing way and Zayn's breath catches in his throat. When Harry takes him in his mouth he swears he has a new favorite view.

Zayn doesn't know how Harry got so confident or skilled in doing this but he thinks briefly he should be worried. Harry's got a smooth rhythm going with his fist pump and mouth sucking and he thinks he's doing alright so he doesn't understand why Zayn pulls him away, his dick falling from Harry's mouth with a 'pop'. "Am I not doing it right?" Harry frowns, feeling his self-conscious nervous self again. "No, you're doing so good kitten," Zayn cups his cheek and Harry hums, nuzzling into his touch at the encouragement. "Then what?" Harry asks wanting to keep going now that he knows he's doing more than just alright. "It's just, you've gotten quite good at this," Zayn frowns down at him. "I'd hope so with all the practice I've put in." Harry beams looking and sounding so proud of himself that Zayn feels bad for even asking his next question.

"What kind of practice Harry?" Harry gets it now. Zayn thinks he's gone and sucked someone else's dick and that sort of makes Harry feel dirty. "I haven't done anyone if that's what you're saying, I wouldn't even have had the time," Harry deadpans. "I just, I dunno, I felt good about this. I wasn't so nervous, there's not really room for that when you've already thrown up on someone." He adds with a small shrug. "I can stop if you'd like?" Zayn feels his heart flutter at the boy still on his knees, looking up at him like a child that's done something wrong. He realizes then that this isn't just about him. Harry needs this just as much as he does so he gives him a soft smile and shakes his head, "No babe, you can keep going." Harry smiles and places a peck on Zayn's head before taking his length back into his mouth, trying to find that rhythm again.

It's not long before Zayn's on edge, tangling his fingers in Harry's hair to get him to stop. Harry groans partly because he likes the feel of Zayn tugging at his hair and partly because he doesn't want to stop. He wants to keep going until Zayn's blown his load and is all lazy limbs and mumbles.

"H-harry," Zayn really needs Harry to stop now because he's not going to last much longer and he'd like to get Harry off at the same time as him. Harry hums a disapproving 'mm mm' and it vibrates against Zayn and  _fuck_  is he holding on so tight. "Harry," he grunts more sternly. Harry pulls off with an annoyed, "What?!" Zayn doesn't say anything though, just pulls Harry up, attaching his lips to Harry's and guiding them both down onto the bed.

He only pulls Harry's boxers down enough to get his length out and waste no time tugging at him. Harry's making those whiny moans again and Zayn literally could cum right then and there without any friction on his own dick. When he's sure Harry's just as close as he is he finally takes his neglected prick and pumps them both in his hand. Harry's head falls back against the bed at the sensation, his back arching and Zayn remembers that side note, leaning down to suck and nip at Harry's nipple. Harry cums right after that, Zayn following a second later and  _shit_  Harry's never felt so good he thinks. Zayn milks them through it until Harry lets out a whimper then he places a kiss to Harry's chest, flopping over on his back and they lay there catching their breaths in the quiet room.

When Harry's shitty lungs stop feeling like they're going to explode and he finally comes down from his high he turns his head to look at Zayn who meets his gaze with a lazy smile and looks even more breathtaking fully naked than he does with clothes on which Harry honestly didn't think was possible. He turns on his side fully, grabbing Zayn's hand and with a giggle he whispers, "I made you cum." Zayn laughs light and lazy, "Told you, you could." Harry feels light as he scoots closer to kiss Zayn slower and less hungry then leaves his lips there, close to Zayn's so they're barely brushing because he likes the feel. "You still have the drawing," he whispers because as amazing as that was he can't stop thinking about that stupid,  _stupid_ , drawing.

Zayn nods, pecking his lips before getting up and going to retrieve said drawing, tearing it out of his sketchbook. "Wait," Harry sits up when he realizes what Zayn's doing. "Can I do it?" he asks quietly. Zayn grins, handing the paper over to Harry. Harry rips it, then rips and rips and rips until its barely even anything, to the point where he's sure no one would even be able to tape it back together if they tried. "Done?" Zayn asks with a chuckle. Harry takes a deep breath because he's panting again and then nods.

"Good. Now let's get cleaned up." Zayn kisses him again before taking his hand in his and Harry dumps the trash in the bin on the way to the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda really desperate for some fan art for this story (maybe of the part where Zayn's sat straddling and kissing Harry at the park with Harry laughing? Or something with Zayn calling Harry kitten?) I think that'd be really cute but either way if any of you do anything like that or maybe know someone that does perhaps pass the idea along? And if you guys ever come across anything like that or like a quote or something that reminds of this story please feel free to share by [submitting](http://nicotine-annd-faded-dreams.tumblr.com/submit) it to my [tumblr](http://nicotine-annd-faded-dreams.tumblr.com/).
> 
> And of course as always, feel free to leave comments (good or bad) about anything you're liking or disliking about this story! (:


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yes Harry, always." Zayn confirms any other possible situations and Harry nods, beaming again. "Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think most of this is edited? If not then I'm sorry but enjoy! (:

"What are you mumbling about?" Zayn asks lazily, still very much not awake. "Zayn Malik." Harry whispers a little more louder with a little giggle. "Zayn Javadd Malik." Zayn hums and gives a soft smile liking the way his name sounds falling so perfectly from Harry's mouth. Harry's been turning the name over for a few minutes now, liking the feel and deciding it's so utterly perfect - just like everything else that is  _Zayn Malik_. It's funny really, they know so much about each other but still  _don't_  know so much about each other. What's even funnier, Harry thinks, is it's the little simple things they don't know about each other like their last names - which they've only just found out about an hour ago before Zayn passed out. Or like their favorite colors, favorite kind of weather, whether the other prefers coffee or tea, things like that.

But Harry could tell you Zayn's favorite author, favorite book, favorite movie, favorite holiday, favorite pretty much anything and could point to and tell you all about every single little scar or tattoo on Zayn's body, even thinks he could point out every last tiny little mole.

Harry smiles to himself and snuggles further into the white hotel sheets that seem to have taken up a mixed scent of Zayn and just enough Harry - as it should considering Harry's spent the past 3 nights here not counting the night after he'd finally gotten to see Zayn cum. He can't get enough of it now that he's gotten a taste. He loves it. All of it. He loves the way Zayn looks as he's hitting high, loves the high  _he_  gets from it but his absolute favorite part of it all is the fact that it's him that's taking Zayn to the edge, it's him making Zayn moan and groan and lose himself. Harry doesn't think there's anything he loves doing more.

However, Harry can't shake the feeling that he isn't the only one that can get Zayn off, which to him is just a reminder that Zayn doesn't need him, that Zayn could easily go out and find someone else to take care of him and Harry isn't permanent. Which makes Harry feel a certain way. He also only has a little over a week left of visiting Niall and he thinks that makes him feel worst. He'd never actually say but he's a bit scared really, he's scared what this'll mean. Will they part ways and never speak again? He has Zayn's number but maybe Zayn wont want to see him after. Maybe he'll fix things with his boyfriend or find someone better to spend his time with. Maybe he's not feeling all that Harry's been feeling and this is all what it was supposed to be, meaningless.

Harry's heart aches in his chest as he looks at the soft looking boy next to him all lashes and messy hair. He knows he has to show Zayn that what he's feeling might not just be an overly friendly thing because as easy as talking to Zayn has become, Zayn still sees him as that overly obnoxious straight guy he met two weeks ago and most likely wont believe anything Harry has to say about this particular situation. But Harry doesn't want to think about all that right now.

So, he sits himself straddling Zayn and begins softly placing kisses to any patch of skin he can get to. "Zayn babe, will you get up now?" he mumbles against the skin of Zayn's bare chest. Zayn shakes his head with a groan, grabbing Harry's pillow and covering his face with it and so what if he only keeps it there because it smells just like Harry and his ridiculous vanilla scented shampoo. "C'mon Zaynie it's boring being the only one awake." "Then sleep." "I already did." Harry nips at his earlobe and he's glad the pillows there to muffle the moan that seems to have a mind of his own. "Then go back to sleep," Zayn murmurs, shifting to the side a little to guide Harry off him. "Zayn  _come_   _on_ ," Harry drawls out the 'n' with a groan because he might have just had an existential crisis about his role in Zayn's life and is now realizing what little time they actually have left and he's feeling kind of restless about it all, like he might just burst with all these weird new feelings and he just really wants to spend some time with Zayn.

"Go away." Harry pouts at that, never seeming to like when Zayn doesn't humor him and just bats him away like Harry's just some pet he can disregard. Zayn smiles to himself because he knows by Harry's silence that he's pouting but he also knows that if he removes the pillow - just to get a glimpse really - that he'll be pudding at Harry's feet. He doesn't get it really, he's never been one to just give in to people, always had too much of a hard head and stubborn mind to do whatever someone - anyone - would ask of him but with Harry it's different. Everything's different with Harry he thinks. It's a nice different, like when you first put you glasses on in the morning, that's the best way to put it. " _God_ , I can practically  _hear_  you pouting." Zayn teases with a playful grin but Harry's feeling his usual overly emotional self so of course he isn't just going to kiss the grin off Zayn's face and make him get up.

"You don't want to spend time with me, it's fine. I've been meaning to go back to Niall's anyway," Harry sniffs with his arms crossed tight against his chest and wonders when he'd gotten this emotional. Sure, Harry's always been known to be a bit melodramatic by his small group of friends who always joke Harry should have been a girl but this is different. With Zayn he can't help but feel like he constantly needs to know Zayn still wants him there, like Zayn'll suddenly get bored of him and it's a flaw he's willing to admit but Zayn just sorta makes him crazy like that. He thinks maybe it has something to do with the fact that he constantly wants Zayn there, constantly craves him; his touch, his voice, his kisses, so naturally he worries if that's normal, if this is something he should be feeling and more importantly if Zayn's feeling it too.

Zayn's quick to grab his hips - what little they are - tossing the pillow from his face so he can get a look at Harry's all-too-beautiful face and he's greeted with that pout he knew would be there. "Stop being so difficult kitten, I didn't say that and you know that isn't what I meant." Secretly, Zayn kind of loves when Harry's in his moods, thinks he might have a thing for it if he's being completely honest. Harry only responds with a shrug, sulking and eating up all the attention Zayn's giving him. He also thinks this is a major part of why he's so damn emotional with Zayn, because he knows if he pouts and sulks Zayn will pay extra attention to him and call him kitten and kiss and cuddle him and if he's really lucky he can get away with Zayn petting his hair - not that Zayn doesn't already do that on his own, it's just more gentle when Harry's being this way.

"Harry," Zayn sighs, eyebrows knitting together. "S'fine Zayn, whatever." Harry doesn't know why he's even still pouting to be honest, at this point all he wants to do is kiss Zayn some more and cuddle- no, wait, he wants to have a round two first then the other stuff. "You're such a brat sometimes you know." Harry looks up at Zayn through lashes, his fingers stilling where they'd started tracing over Zayn's tattoos. "But you still like me yeah?" Zayn sighs because this is always what it's about so he honestly should know better by now. "Yes Harry, you are brat and pout far too often and need constant attention but I still like you." "And you still want me around?" Harry hates that he gets like this, all needy and pouty and he  _hates_  the way his voice sounds when he does.

"Always," Zayn hums and pulls Harry down to meet his lips and so what if ' _always_ ' is all Harry can think about while they're having their round two.

-

They end up at Niall's anyway, Harry complaining that he needs clean clothes although Zayn's argument being that Harry doesn't actually  _need_  clothes ("It isn't like you've put clothes on since you've gotten here.") Which obviously made Harry's cheeks heat up but still, okay, maybe he didn't need the clothes but he  _did_  need something else which brings them here. Popcorn, candies, and drinks scattered around Niall's guest room bed with Zayn in the middle of it all, movie end credits rolling and Harry in the restroom for a wee break. Zayn's already shouted at him at least 10 times because if Harry was going to take this long he could have at least let Zayn go first as he has been complaining about his bladder ready to explode since halfway through the movie but Harry wouldn't move to let him go.

When Zayn decides Harry's taking too long and swears he hears a faint whimper he decides to knock on the door. "Harry, you alright?" He tries to listen for anything indicating what he heard was in fact a whimper but he just hears Harry whisper  _shit_  then clear his throat. "Y-yeah, just cleaning up a bit, could've sworn I put all this clothes away." Harry gives a breathy laugh. "Harry, I  _really_  have to piss," Zayn groans. "I'll only be another minute." "That's what you said 5 minutes ago," Zayn huffs. "Just..lots of clothes." But Zayn's not having it. He really has to pee and if Harry's just cleaning up then surely he wont mind Zayn taking a quick piss, it's nothing he hasn't seen before.

Harry honestly didn't think Zayn would just walk in and if jizzing his pants and vomiting on Zayn were any embarrassing this sure tops it all off for the win. He gasps and in a panic shoves the object the rest of the way and turns his front toward the door. Zayn just stands there staring for a moment and Harry's frozen, he has no idea what to do, his eyes stinging with tears, cheeks and ears burning and he's sure the flush has followed all the way down to his chest. Zayn wasn't supposed to see that. Zayn wasn't supposed to see  _him_  like  _that_. He also wasn't supposed to know what Harry'd planned for tonight or the preparation he's been going through for it. Zayn's mouth opens and closes a few times then he shuts the door behind him and Harry's overly emotional, extremely uncomfortable from the new feel of the plug up his bum, and utterly embarrassed. He thinks maybe if he were more comfortable in this new territory and less self conscious with Zayn about all this sex stuff that he'd probably play it off with a cheeky remark and his charming smile.

But he's not and Zayn  _does_  make him self conscious because he has no idea what he's doing and he just really wanted to not ruin their first time with having to go slow or Zayn having to worry about hurting him.

He pulls his pants up, takes a deep breath and lets the tears start up as he begins putting all the things he took out of the box to get to the plug, back in as he wallows in his own self-pity. He doesn't want to go back into the room, he's so mortified. Still, he wets his face, takes a few more deep breaths and lets his shaky hand slowly open the door. He peeks his head out first and Zayn's still there, quiet and sitting at the edge of the bed. Harry was kind of hoping he'd leave if he's being completely honest. Zayn's eyes are set on the floor and that kinda hurts but Harry also doesn't think he'd be able to handle Zayn looking at him right now.

When he's fully out of the bathroom though Zayn looks up at him with a blank expression first, like he was just caught up in his own head, then it twist into that of confusion like he's still wrapping his head around what he'd just seen, then it settles in that soft, caring, way like the day Harry threw up on him then cried on the floor. "C'mere," Zayn nods his head, signaling Harry over. Harry shakes his head, eyes fixed on the ground. "Harry," Zayn tries again but Harry only shuffles his feet and gives a little sniffle that just about breaks Zayn's heart. "C'mon, kitten," Zayn reaches his hand for Harry's. Harry contemplates actually making a run for it but he figures he wouldn't be able to stay away from Zayn no matter how devastatingly embarrassed he is.

He take's his hand and Zayn pulls him into his lap, Harry's face immediately seeking comfort in Zayn neck. "Harry," Zayn breathes, rubbing circles on the skin beneath Harry's shirt knowing that helps calm him most of the time. "What..what was that?" Harry shakes his head because he's not ready to talk to Zayn yet. He's not ready to relive every last second of whats just happened and have to explain it. Zayn has an idea of what Harry was doing, he's not sure why exactly Harry was doing it but he's still not sitting on his bum and so Zayn has to ask. "Is it..still in your bum?" He whispers and Harry slaps his hand over his face, groaning as he tilts his head back miserably.

Zayn's grinning at him, all crinkly eyed and teasing when he peeks an eye at him. "What were you doing kitten?" Zayn lets out a breathy chuckle trying to lighten the mood and ease Harry's embarrassment. "I was just.." Harry sighs because of course Zayn wouldn't just leave this. He buries his head back in the crook of Zayn's neck and mumbles out a quiet, "I wanted to be ready..for you." The words go straight to Zayn's groin and he has to physically stop himself from groaning. "Christ, Harry." Harry frowns because he's still feeling quite vulnerable and would much prefer Zayn call him his pet name. "Call me kitten." Harry pouts, retracting his head from its shelter in Zayn's warm, nice smelling, neck. "You can't stuff like that and want me to call you kitten, Harry," Zayn chuckles.

"Why not?" Harry asks innocently then his eyes go a bit wide in realization. "Did I- was that.." he lows his voice to a whisper, "Was that..dirty?" Zayn smiles all fond at the innocent wide-eyed boy in his lap. He forgets sometimes that Harry's new to all this and is still adjusting, he finds it especially hard to remember when Harry's put in his fair share of 'returning the favor's lately. "Yes kitten, that was a bit dirty," Zayn pecks his pinkening cheek. "Sorry, I didn't mean to," Harry looks down, fiddling with Zayn's fingers and Zayn pecks his cheek again just for good measure. "We don't have to, I just wanted to get use to the feel I guess," Harry shrugs and Zayn swears he'll be the death of him. "Do  _you_  want to?" Zayn asks, not wanting to push anything on Harry because as fun the past few days have been this isn't exactly something you can brush off. It's serious and extremely intimate and Zayn's not sure Harry realizes any of this.

"I've thought about it," Harry shrugs shyly. "Have you?" It's not exactly asking like he's curious it's more of a  _have you_  have you, like has he thought about what this means or how serious it is. "Yes Zayn, is that so hard to believe?" Harry asks a bit defensively. "Calm down kitten, I'm just saying, this isn't something to be taken lightly." Harry feels upset now because he knows that. He knows this is serious. He knows what this mean. He's thought about, thought about it all and he wants this. At least with Zayn he does. "I know that Zayn. I'm not a child, I'm perfectly capable of thinking things through and making concious decisions on my own." He climbs off Zayn's lap, standing because he doesn't think he can sit right now, he's not sure he'll ever be able to sit again actually. "Yes Harry and no ones disagreeing with you, it's just, this isn't exactly just kissing, Harry. This isn't just getting off. This is serious, this isn't something to just try out. And if that's what it is then I don't want to be the one you test this out with."

Harry's offended now. "Is that what you think then? That i'm just this stupid little straight boy that doesn't know what he's doing? That this is all just for shits and giggles?" Zayn nearly gets whiplash with how quick this all turned around. "I don't know, Harry, you're the one prancing around with my dick in your mouth swearing you're still straight." Zayn didn't mean for it to sound so harsh he just doesn't like that this is somehow turning against him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," Zayn sighs. Harry's torn between telling Zayn to leave and wanting to do this even more now. He doesn't know what hurts more, the blow Zayn's words delivered or the fact that even after everything they've done and said that he still thinks Harry isn't taking this seriously. Of course he's taking this seriously. He knows this isn't just kissing, also knows it's never been just kissing, at least not for them.

Zayn's ready to leave, feels like Harry's about to kick him out anyway and he doesn't think he'd be able to handle that. But then Harry's back in his lap, his arms hung loosely around his neck. "I  _know_  what this means Zayn. This means I really like you and I trust you enough to want this to be with you." Harry's green eyes are all but piercing Zayn's and he feels a bit breathless by it all. Harry catches his lips with his own and he swears he's floating on air.

It's a slow, careful, kiss, very much Harry like he's waiting - wanting - Zayn to kiss back with more force like he needs that reassurance that Zayn wants this. And he does. God does he want this. He doesn't think he's ever wanted anything more than this in his entire life.

The kiss is deepened and it's all a bit clumsy, Harry struggling to get both their clothing off at the same time while still trying to keep his lips to Zayn, clean off the bed and not sit on his bum all at once. When they've managed to get rid of their clothing with much giggles and smiling into kisses, Zayn lays hovering over Harry both wearing crinkly-eyed grins and taking a moment to really just take in the fact that  _this is happening_.

Zayn pecks Harry on the nose seeing how nervous he is and Harry gives a little, breathy, giggle. "Ready kitten?" Zayn brushes a few stray curls from Harry's forehead. "Mhm," Harry hums, nuzzling into Zayn's touch.

Zayn frowns up at Harry though once he's shimmied down to pull the plug from Harry's clearly abused rim with a whimper from the green eyed boy. "What?" Harry huffs, squirming a bit from impatience and a bit self consciousness. "Did you just shove the thing up your ass?" Harry looks away, cheeks warming. "You walked in," he says just above a whisper. "I panicked." He adds with a shrug. "Harry," Zayn says almost sympathetically because the plugs quite a size and Harry's never had anything like it up his bum before and now he's a little cautious on whether or not they should do this tonight. "I'm fine Zayn, will you please get on with it." But Harry's bum is a little on fire and he definitely feels the aching there that he's sure he'll feel even tomorrow. He doesn't care though, he just  _really_  wants Zayn to do this. He wants to be as close to Zayn as he possibly can.

This is his more. This is the more he's panted about when making out with Zayn, or when Zayn's got his hand on his prick, or his mouth around it, this is the more that's kept him up at night, that he's been craving for so long now. This is as ' _more_ ' as it can get and Harry's so ready for this. He  _needs_  this. He needs to have Zayn in all the ways he possibly can.

And because Harry's got Zayn wrapped around his finger, because even with his fear of flying Zayn would jump out of not one but five planes if Harry asked, of course he gives into Harry and his undeniable ways and Harry finally,  _finally_  gets his more.

-

"Zayn," Harry mutters softly when they're laying under the blankets that smell like Niall's laundry detergent and not the mixed scent of Zayn and Harry - which he much prefers appose to the laundry detergent - tangled together with Zayn's fingers in Harry's unruly curls. Zayn hums a reply, struggling to keep his heavy eyelids open. "It's just..you know this isn't just shits and giggles, right? You know that i'm not just testing things out with you, that i'm in this, whatever it is." "What  _is_  this?" Zayn asks lightly, his other hand trailing soothing fingertips up and down Harrys arm that's thrown across his middle.

"Whatever you want it to be, and that's the thing Zayn, I don't even care, I'd very well be the guy you get off with occasionally if it means this and getting to have you here." "Harry." "I know that's a bit much but it's true. How terrifying is that? I'd happily let you use me whenever or however as long as it's you. Now, i'm not exactly familiar with how this is supposed to go but you make me feel things, things I don't even know what to call and you terrify me in the best way possible and I don't know what I am but shit Zayn, I just, I really want  _you_." Harry sits up then and Zayn looks up at him, taken back by Harry's sudden revelation. He sits up too, leaning against the headboard and at a loss for words. "Was that..should I have not said that?" Harry's voice now small and lost of all its previous confidence.

"Harry.." Zayn starts, still trying to wrap his head around everything which Harry clearly takes as a bad sign, closing in on himself and retracting his hand from where it'd grabbed onto Zayn's. "Do you not..Is it your boyfriend?" Harry looks down at his fidgeting fingers because  _of course it is_  and now he just feels like an absolute idiot. Zayn seriously thinks he hasn't been doing a good job if that's honestly what Harry thinks. "N-no," he sputters out, his mind moving a bit too quick for his own good right now. "No," he repeats more firm. "That isn't it Harry, if you honestly think that then I haven't been doing a very good job." But Harry's still sulking, his now grayish eyes all wide and innocent and Zayn just wants to kiss him. Kiss him until he can't feel his lips anymore, until he's blue in the face, until he's 100% positive that Harry knows just how much Zayn wants him. How much Zayn needs him.

"Kitten, Jake is the last thing on my mind, no not even that, he's not nowhere near my mind." Zayn reaches out to grab Harry's hand again and Harry thinks he could have gone without knowing the guy's name but it's a good start he supposes. "You however," Zayn sighs fondly and Harry peeks a glance to catch a glimpse of his small grin. "Can't seem to get you off my mind. Even when you're here in front of me you're still the only thing I can think about. You've seem to have charmed your way into my life Styles and I don't think it'll ever be the same again." Harry grins up at him then, all big and goofy. "I also kinda want you around for awhile, so why don't we smack a label on this yeah?" "Really?" Harry all but beams. "Yeah, just for awhile though," Zayn teases. "So charming," Harry chuckles sarcastically. "That's me," Zayn winks and pecks his cheek.

"But really, I want you around for as long as you'll stay." Zayn laces their fingers and Harry's sure if this were a cartoon his eyes would be replaced with hearts and his actual heart would be thumping out of his chest right about now. "Are you sure about that?" Harry's grin now lopsided. "Course," Zayn shrugs as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Even if I never want to leave?" "Even better." "Even when I haven't showered and just woken up with terrible breath?" Zayn chuckles and nods his head, "Even then." "Remember you said that," Harry points a finger. "Even when you get angry and don't want me around?" He adds. "Yes Harry, always." Zayn confirms any other possible situations and Harry nods, beaming again. "Always."

And he can't help it, he giggles crawling toward Zayn, their lips meeting to seal the promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in like a week, I haven't been home. D: But I'm home now and even have next chapter started, all I'm saying is, _this is your warning._ Don't forget to comment your thoughts good or bad and if you have any questions or want to share anything feel free to come say hi on [tumblr](http://nicotine-annd-faded-dreams.tumblr.com/). (:


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No, you're right Harry. It isn't fun and games, you've been fucked by a boy. What does that make you?" Niall's testing him, he knows he is but he's drunk and he doesn't even know why they're having this conversation in the first place. "I don't know Niall it's just-" "Just your experimental faze? That _is_ what you called it right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "In life we always fall for the person that will never fall for us, always want something that we can't have, and always say things we shouldn't."
> 
> There's a little fetus Zayn tweet that popped up on my dash today and I decided it fit with this chapter (kinda?). Enjoy! (:

It happens two nights later, after Zayn and Harry spend the day together - just as the previous one - staying in bed and talking about everything and nothing - mainly just pillow talk - and they're all out for drinks. Everyone was already a bit buzzed by the time they'd gotten there so naturally Harry  _insist_  he needed to catch up. Zayn on the other hand, figures at least one of them should be coherent and be able to remember the events of tonight - which he regrets much later. "You need a drink, why don't you have a drink?" Harry frowns disappointingly at Zayn. "I'm fine, I have a drink, see?" Zayn holds up Louis's drink that he left unattended to go take a quick bathroom break. "That's not yours, I'll get you one!" Harry chirps with his usual drunken excitement and is gone before Zayn can talk him out of it or distract him.

He watches Harry go with a certain little skip to his walk. He's been like that since two nights before, all giddy and smiley and Zayn feels almost proud that he's the one that made him so happy and bubbly. Zayn meant everything he said to Harry and he hopes Harry knows that. Hopes that he knows that although Zayn may not look it, he's definitely just as giddy on the inside. He can't remember the last time he felt this way, can't remember ever being so loved up and just  _really_  happy.

He watches as Harry talks to the uninterested bartender who looks about two seconds away from quitting his job, Zayn giving a little wave and chuckle when Harry points at him with a giggle and even though Zayn can't hear it, his heart still thumps a little harder for the endearing boy.

"He hasn't stopped smiling all night, what'd you do to the poor boy?" Louis teases, taking his seat and rightful drink. "Nothing," Zayn shrugs but he feels his cheeks go a bit warm, he just hopes Louis's too drunk to notice. "Course you didn't," Louis hums. "Just remember what you're getting yourself into Zaynie, you remember what happened last time." Ah, the classic  _last time_. It's all he's heard about from both Louis and Liam since he started spending so much time with Harry. Yes Zayn's gotten balls deep in a  _thing_  with a straight boy before and told himself every day that it was fine, that he'd take what he can get and it didn't bother him all that much. They were loved up, maybe not as much as he and Harry but definitely a fair amount. He let himself eat up every last hallow promise the boy had made and fell impossibly hard, impossibly quick. Things ended as bad as you could imagine and lets just say Zayn still doesn't like to think about it, never even talks about it,  _actually_  talks about it.

But Harry's different. Harry's just this big bright light that he gets to catch a glimpse of, like that very first ray of sunshine after a horrible storm. Harry's different in all the right ways. He's the complete opposite of the last guy and just makes Zayn so damn happy. Why can't his friends just let him be happy? He's earned this happy. He's gone through so many shitty relationships and has felt the lowest of lows that he thinks he's  _earned_  this happiness and Harry  _is_  that happiness.

"It's not like that," Zayn shakes his head because explaining things with Harry and shouting at his friend to  _just let him be fucking happy_  seems like too much effort and he's tired and extremely too sober and he just wants to go back to his hotel room and cuddle with Harry. "That's what you said last time," Louis frowns. "No, not like that. I mean.. I mean  _Harry's_  not like that." He knows it sounds cliché but Harry  _isn't_  like that. He's clumsy and shy where it counts and holds Zayn's hand even while they're in public and he's honestly too nice for his own good most of the time and he's just- he's not like that. "How do you know that Zayn? You've only known the him about 3 weeks and half that time he swore he was straight."  _Still says that_ , Zayn thinks to himself. But no, no, no, Harry isn't like that. Harry wouldn't say all those things he did if he hadn't meant them.

"Whatever," Zayn huffs, deciding he was done being around Louis for tonight. He finds Harry still talking the head off the bartender who looks as relieved as ever when Zayn swoops in to save him. "Zayn!" Harry cheers almost toppling over out of his seat. Zayn can't help but laugh at Harry's hazardous-self seemingly intensified with alcohol and reaches out to steady him. "Careful babe." Harry's cheeks are naturally flushed as they usually are when he's taken in quite a bit of alcohol but they turn a crimson at the pet name accompanied with drunken giggles. "See, isn't he the prettiest boy you've ever seen?" Harry turns back to the bartender who's moved to the other side of the counter, distancing himself in what Zayn assumes is an attempt to get away from the babbling drunk boy. "Just the prettiest boy? So there are girls prettier than me? I think i'm mildly offended," Zayn teases with a hand on his chest.

Harry giggles, taking a sip of whatever fruity drink he's been having for the past half hour or so. "Mmm maybe there's just  _one_  girl prettier than you." " _Harry_ ," Zayn pouts. "I said maybe. I don't know what every girl in the world looks like," Harry shrugs with this playful drunken grin set firm on his lips that Zayn just wants to kiss away. "You're not being funny," Zayn sends him a mock glare. "Not trying to be," Harry winks. "But that's alright because there  _may_  very well be a prettier girl but surely she's no Zayn Malik." Zayn rolls his eyes but happily accepts Harry's fruity tasting kiss.

"I missed you," Harry mumbles, burying his head in the crook of Zayn's neck because he knows this usually gets Zayn to scratch at his scalp a bit. "You were gone all but 15 minutes Harry," Zayn chuckles. "Felt like hours." Zayn likes drunk Harry because Harry's a naturally affectionate, honest, person but add in a mix of alcohol and he's literally got no filter. "Felt like 15 minutes, Harry," Zayn says even though he completely agrees with Harry's statement, he just likes to mess with drunk Harry, see what kind of rise he can get out of him. "Did you not miss me then?" Harry lifts his head to look at Zayn accusingly with a frown. "Nope," Zayn answers with a nonchalant shrug. Harry's face falls and his body slumps in his seat in a way that tugs at Zayn's heart. "Only kidding kitten, miss you even when you're gone for a piss."

Harry smiles again then, his eyes lighting up and he catches Zayn's lips once more for a chaste kiss. "Ready to go then?" Zayn yawns as they pull away. Harry nods, his head looking too heavy, like a bobble head or a baby still not in control of its head. "Just let me tell Niall." Zayn nods and helps steady Harry on his feet. Liam says he saw Niall venture off to the restroom a few minutes ago and Zayn lets Harry go alone - Harry swearing he was perfectly capable of getting himself there and back.

Harry honestly didn't think telling Niall he was leaving would take this long, he also didn't think he'd be getting lectured. Niall was shouting at him as far as his drunken mind was concerned and treating him like a child. Harry  _knows_  what he's doing. He isn't a child and Niall isn't his parent, which is what he huffed out at Niall. "I know that Harry but do you even understand what you're doing?" How could Niall ask that? Of course Harry knew what he was doing. Well, maybe not right now, everythings a bit fuzzy and his heads spinning a little but for the most part he knows. "Of course I do, I'm not a child Niall." "No Harry, I don't think you do. This is all fun and games to you and from the looks Zayn gives you that isn't what this is to him." Niall's hearts in a good place but Harry's mad now. He's mad because he  _really_  likes Zayn and he's tired of Niall and Zayn and everyone telling him otherwise. He agreed to label this for god's sakes!

"It isn't just fun and games, you know that." He's referring to his and Zayn's intimately shared night because he might have let that slip whilst talking to Niall earlier. "No, you're right Harry. It isn't fun and games, you've been fucked by a boy. What does that make you?" Niall's testing him, he knows he is but he's drunk and he doesn't even know why they're having this conversation in the first place. "I don't know Niall it's just-" "Just your experimental faze? That _is_ what you called it right?"

Zayn swears his heart falls out of his ass and he's trying so hard to hold onto every little piece of him that wants to just shatter to the ground right about now.

"Always huh?" Harry's heart stops and his world comes crashing down right about then. "Zayn, shit. No. It's not, it's not-" but Zayn's already walking away and the alcohol and every last drop of blood is drained from Harry. His heads spinning for a whole new reason and he fills like his world is slipping through his finger tips as he trails after Zayn frantically. There's a lump in his throat and the tears building up are blurring his vision as he pushes through the crowd. Zayn decides he needs a drink..or ten, thinks Louis will have a blast getting to tell him  _told you so_. He wants to stop the aching in his chest and get rid of the stupid lump in his throat and _he just wants to forget_. Forget it all. Forget Harry's stupid face and the fact that he even exist.

He's already downed 8 shots by the time Harry finds him at the bar. "Zayn," Harry croaks, a little breathless he's not sure why he feels like he can't catch his breath or why his lungs feel like they're on fire but they do and he wants it stop. He wants to wake up from this horrible,  _horrible_  dream and wants to take back ever saying that to Niall because he's an idiot. He's an absolute idiot. A guy comes over then and Harry waits for Zayn to disregard him, send him away so they can talk about this but instead he completely ignores Harry and turns to the guy. "He's straight," Zayn huffs out a breathy venomous laugh nodding toward Harry. Harry frowns because that's not fair. Harry doesn't know what he is. He doesn't know what any of this is but he knows that he likes Zayn. He really really likes Zayn and thought they'd gone over this already? And just,  _shit_   _why can't people see that?_

"What about you?" the guy smirks at Zayn and Harry's furious now. No. Other boys can't do that. They can't stare at Zayn or smirk at him or ask him if he's straight. "As gay as they come," Zayn grins and Harry's heart is thumping in his ears, his fist clenching and chest hurting. "Shall I buy you a drink then?" And  ** _no_**. Harry isn't having that because Zayn is his and he is Zayn's. That's what they'd agreed on. Always. "Piss off!" Harry spits out, narrowing his eyes at the guy who thinks he can just come up to  _his_  Zayn and offer to buy  _his_  Zayn a drink and smirk at  _his_  Zayn. "Thought you were straight?" the guy snickers and  _fuck him_. He doesn't know Harry. He doesn't know how much Zayn means to Harry. "Just bugger off yeah?" Harry grits, feeling on edge. He just wants to talk to Zayn. He needs to fix things and tell Zayn that he isn't an experimental faze, that he meant what he said to him, that he does like the sound of always.

"Or what?" the guy eyes Harry challengingly. "Just leave it, Harry." Zayn calls annoyed over his shoulder. He just really wants both Harry and this guy to leave him alone already. He wants to be alone and drink and drink and drink until he hopefully loses his memory or something. "You heard him," the guy raises his eyebrows and Harry swears he could punch a hole through this prick's face. "No, fuck this guy, tell him to leave, Zayn." Harry's almost pleading with him, he just needs to know Zayn isn't going to replace him. He just needs to know Zayn doesn't want anyone else, that he still wants Harry here. "Christ, will both of just fuck off?" Zayn huffs knowing that tone in Harry's voice, that's usually the tone that follows with comfort from Zayn and reassurance and lots of 'kitten'. But Zayn's not in the mood. Zayn's done. Done comforting and reassuring him and calling him fucking kitten because fuck him. Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him.

He's spent this whole god damn trip promising Harry he wasn't just a casualty when that's all he's been to Harry this whole time.

He gets up needing to get away now. He wants and needs to be as far away from Harry as possible. Of course Harry follows though because Harry needs reassurance. Needs to hear Zayn promise _everythings fine_  and _of course I still want you kitten_  but he's not sure he can promise that truthfully anymore and he honestly feels like an idiot for ever saying any of that. And so, "Fuck off, Harry." Zayn calls over his shoulder walking out of the club. "Zayn," Harry sounds absolutely shattered. Like someones just told him a close family member has died, like he's about to break down any second now and  _fuck_  Zayn needs get out of here before he gives in. "Stop it.  _You_  did this Harry. You don't get to sound like that and get mad at guys who offer me drinks and you certainly don't get to have reassurance." Harry's standing there with wide innocent eyes filling with and pooling down thick tears. "I didn't mean it." Harry barely croaks out, he wants to say so much more, tell Zayn all about the funny, tingly, feelings he gives Harry, tell him about how he's all Harry's been able to think about since that stupid god damn plane ride and tell him how much he means to him, how much he needs him to still want him but his words are lost with his heart in his throat.

"Yeah we've established that haven't we?" Harry shakes his head violently and fuck he really wishes he could just get Zayn to see the things in his head somehow, he thinks this would be so much easier that way. "N-no. What I said to Niall. It was weeks ago, I didn't mean it Zayn I swear. I just, I don't know." He doesn't know. He doesn't know how to word what he's trying to say and he's so frustrated and just wants to crawl under Zayn's hotel sheets and rest his head on just the right spot on Zayn's chest to hear the steady beat of his heart. "Well maybe that's the problem here, Harry, you don't know. Look, I thought I could do this again but I can't. You don't know what you are and I'm not going to be your little experimental boyfriend. I don't have time for I don't knows, Harry. This was never a good idea in the first place." Harry watches hopelessly and a bit frantically as a cab pulls in front of Zayn.

" _Zayn_ ," and now he really is pleading with him. Zayn can't go. Not without Harry, not without fixing this first. "I'm done Harry, I don't care anymore. I don't care if you're straight, gay, bisexual, just going through a faze, whatever, I just don't care." And Harry can't breathe again, his head shaking and tears coming harder. "No, Zayn, no, you c-can't go." Zayn huffs, "Why not, Harry?"  _Because you mean more to me than any past girlfriend, so much more there's really no comparison. Because if you leave I might just go lay in the middle of the road and completely forget how to function_. "Exactly." Zayn shakes his head and ducks into the cab, Harry falling apart as he watches it go.

-

Harry's never felt so sick in his life. He spends nearly a week miserably in bed and under the covers as if they're shielding him from the inevitable truth. That truth being that he's completely ruined possibly the best thing in his life at the moment. Also the hard truth that no matter how many times he squeezes his eyes shut and goes back to that mental photo he took of Zayn the day on the plane, it doesn't help make him feel any better because at the end of the day Zayn's still not there.

Niall comes in to make sure Harry's alive and to apologize profusely on the third day he'd locked himself away and Harry lays and listens but doesn't feel like talking or eating or forgiving Niall even though it really wasn't his fault Harry's an idiot.

The only time Harry leaves his bed is late in the night, typically around 2 or 3 in the morning when he sneaks out and finds himself at Zayn's hotel. He doesn't actually go in the first day but everyday after that he walks all the way to Zayn's door and stands there for a bit or sits if he's feeling extra emotional and it seems to get progressively worst as the days roll by, Harry visiting 5 times already and that's just today. He rolls over words and feelings and conversations but none of it matters because by the time he gets to the door his whole body seems to shut down and he can't even remember his own name. When he's not sulking or standing in front of Zayn's hotel room, he's usually debating on calling him or texting but on the first night Zayn had told him he just needed some space right now and Harry got that. He just wished  _space_  didn't mean being away from Harry for so long.

Zayn would be far worst if he didn't have Louis and Liam fussing over him. The only reason he's showered and eaten in the past 5 days is because when he tried doing the whole hide-away-lock-himself-in-his-room thing Louis banged on the door for 20 minutes until Zayn finally crawled out of bed to open it. He thought it'd stop after that once but Louis's done it every morning, brining and shoving food down Zayn's throat then sending him to shower. That's usually when Zayn falls apart. When he's in the shower and can tell himself those aren't tears, they're just the shower water. After he showers he usually feel worst than he did before and wants to climb back into bed but Louis never allows that.

The first couple days Louis and Liam dragged him along with them for the day but Zayn decided he wanted to be alone if he wasn't going to be able to lay in bed all day. So he spends most days at the park, finally finishing that drawing and so what if he adds Harry standing there like that one day he'd wanted a day to himself.

He thinks he'd probably have already called Harry by now if Louis hadn't taken his phone. He knows where Niall lives and maybe he's guilty of strolling past on his way to the park. Maybe he's guilty for even lingering around for a bit. He stares at the front door wanting to go over and knock and the thrill of knowing Harry's just behind it kind of scares him in the best way possible. But then he remembers bringing Harry there that night he was piss drunk and Harry had told Niall it was just kissing and his heart aches so much more than he's willing to admit.

"I'm already up," Zayn huffs as soon as his hotel door flies open - Louis also taking his key hostage. "That's alright Zaynie, take you're time." Zayn eyes Louis carefully because he's not sure if he's joking but he seems almost serious and that makes Zayn wary. "What?" "Don't worry about it, it's our last day here, I've ordered you up room service, you just stay in today," Louis hums, all but prancing around the room to shut rather than open, Zayn's curtains. "What are you up to?" Zayn narrows his eyes at Louis. "Nothing, just figured you'd like a day in," Louis shrugs. "You've certainly earned it." And he has, Zayn thinks, he  _has_  earned this day in. So he nods and plans his miserable day of moping.

"Can I ask you something?" Louis lingers in the doorway. Zayn shrugs, already snuggling into the pillow that Harry usually used, still holding that faint Harry smell. "This wasn't like last time was it?" Louis asks softly, looking almost ashamed that he even implied that it was. "Nah mate, I don't think it was," Zayn shakes his head. He knows it wasn't, knew before and knows even more so now that he's lost it but Louis hadn't said ' _told you so_ ' at all these past 5 days so neither is he. Louis nods with an uncharacteristically quiet sorry then he's out the door.

Zayn may not know what Louis's up to but he knows him well enough to know he  _is_  up to something but he's far too exhausted and he's laying in just the right position that makes it smell and feel like Harry's there and his chest aches just enough to let him fall back to sleep with a certain pair of green eyes there to greet him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly, I think the next update will be the last. Don't forget to comment your thoughts good or bad and if you have any questions or want to share anything feel free to come say hi on [tumblr](http://nicotine-annd-faded-dreams.tumblr.com/). (:


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Zayn  _is_  getting that grand gesture at the end of those stupid movies, and maybe he's okay with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you’re in love or you’re partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive.”
> 
> Quite like this quote for this story. Last chapter, enjoy! (:

Zayn wasn't naive nor did he believe in all that bullshit love that people like to sell, in fact, he was never really one for romance at all he was more one for blunt love and never really thought about having to share what he was feeling because he often forgot that yes he knows how he's feeling but that doesn't mean his partner does - which may have something to do with all his past failed relationships. That being said, he wasn't really expecting that big grand romance scene like in one of those stupid rom-coms Harry'd made him sit through but he just, well, he wasn't sure what he was expecting.

He can tell you what he  _wasn't_  expecting, he wasn't expecting Harry to just disappear - he'd never admit it but maybe he wanted that ridiculous romance scene - maybe he wanted Harry to send flowers or texts every day they were apart even after he'd told him he needed some time and that's it, he just said he needed time he didn't say for Harry to just piss off and completely forget about him. Even now as he's packing his bags getting ready to head to the airport, he wished that there'd be a knock at his door and as he opened it there'd be a breathless Harry with disheveled hair and that frantic look he gets and he'd tell Zayn not to leave, tell him that he wasn't just an experimental faze, that he's thought about Zayn every night since they parted ways, that he can't just leave knowing Zayn wasn't his because in all honesty Zayn's come so close to doing just that more times than he's willing to admit but even if he did give into that, he's sure Harry's probably gone by now, gone back home to shag all the birds he pleases and even if he were still at Niall's he'd probably just laugh at how foolish Zayn was.

Zayn also hadn't expected to be packing so soon, maybe part of him thought he'd stay another week just to have a bit more time with Harry, and he definitely hadn't planned on packing alone or being this miserable while doing it. When he thought about packing, Harry was always there. He was there in Zayn's lap waking him up with slow kisses, he was there hauling Zayn's suitcase onto the hotel bed and pulling his promising tone for a reward once Zayn was done, he was there to help sort Zayn's things and make terrible jokes that Zayn would have no choice but to laugh at because they'd be that absurd but he'd kiss him anyway just as he always did.

Instead of that, Zayn's completely and utterly alone in the hotel room that still holds a faint scent of Harry's cinnamon candles he apparently travels everywhere with and Harry's stupid wonderful smelling vanilla shampoo that he'd left in the bathroom (that Zayn may or may not have been using).

He's still on edge about Louis since he hadn't even come to wake him up that morning, hasn't even heard from him all day actually. Zayn took advantage of that, sneaking out early to avoid packing and spending the day laid out in the park thinking about a particular day Harry'd dragged him out of bed saying something about it being too beautiful of a day to be spent cooped up in Zayn's hotel room. They spent that day out on a blanket stolen from Niall's and having a picnic that Harry "made" (he'd bought already made sandwiches and drinks from a shop near by and nearly went mental trying to find a wooden basket so Zayn went with it).

After they'd finished eating they laid out on the blanket and watched the clouds, well, Harry had but Zayn was far too entranced with Harry and the way his eyes lit up every time he'd spot a cloud that looked like  _something_. ("Look Zayn, look at that one!" Harry beamed. "What am I looking at kitten?" Zayn mused. "That one there! It looks..It looks like.." Zayn chuckled as Harry tried to find something to compare it to. "Looks like..your bed head.") It honestly hadn't looked like anything but it made Harry giggle and agree before pecking Zayn's lips and returning to cloud watching so, so what if Zayn fibbed a little it was for a good cause - the best cause he thinks.

As much as Zayn missed things like that with Harry it only ever lasted until the hard truth settled back in and that was that none of it was real. Every little touch, smile, and kiss, it was all just pretend. It was all just Harry passing the time and testing out whether or not he liked it. The thought made Zayn sick. The fact that he drank up every last bit of it, like a helpless little puppy and actually let himself give into it all it was just so frustrating because he knows how pathetic it is but he'd still happily show up at Harry's door and let him do what he pleased because he's Harry and Zayn knows that's even more pitiful but it's the truth.

When he was done wallowing in his self-pity he made his way back to the hotel to finally pack, swearing he saw a familiar set of curls just as the elevator doors closed but then again that's all he'd been seeing lately, he's been sorting himself out and packing since.

-

Zayn's quiet the whole ride to the airport, his earphones in with Ed Sheeran's new album playing thinking he's actually kind of glad Harry hadn't shown up, only because now as his ears take in the smooth sound of Ed's music all he can think of is the curly haired boy and how much he missed those sparkling green eyes and stupidly pretty lips. He knows now more than ever that even if he'd seen Harry stood on the other side of a huge field with thousands of people between them that he'd do all he could to get to the boy, he'd be that idiot at the end of the rom-com and he'd get his lips on Harry's without a second thought and that, that just isn't healthy and he knows that which is why he distracts himself with counting each car they pass. If he's counting he won't have time for thinking of Harry or how bad he just wants to see him.

"You alright?" Louis furrows his brows at him as they're getting their luggage out of the cab. Zayn shrugs, not really in the mood for dealing with Louis or anyone for that matter if he's being completely honest. Louis and Liam exchange a look that Zayn's too exhausted to analyze as he stands off to the side and lets Louis fuss over all his bags. He doesn't even care how long Louis plans on taking because he's going to be early to his seat with or without Louis and Liam, he doesn't give a shit, he's going to be the dick that has his earplugs on before his seat buddy comes and tries to talk to him because no thanks, he's been down that road and looks where thats gotten him. Besides, no one could possibly be as interesting as Harry.

"Zayn?" Louis huffs, snapping Zayn out of his looking around and no he wasn't looking for anyone in particular. "Yeah?" "I  _said_ , I have to have a wee. Come with me," Louis gives a pointed look. "Oh, uh, n-" but he's cut off with the daggers Louis's sending him. " _I said_ ,  _come with me_." Zayn sighs because he knows there's no fighting Louis. "10 minutes then I'm leaving you." Louis nods with a smug smile. "There you have it Li, you've got 10 minutes to get everything settled." Zayn's eyebrows crease but he doesn't have time to over-think because Louis's pulling him along, leaving Liam with their bags.

To say Harry's nervous would be an understatement. He's absolutely terrified, his legs bouncing with nerves and shaky hands sweating and pulling at the roots of his curls. He doesn't know why he even went along with this stupid plan, he knows Zayn hates things like this. He's playing with his bottom lip when Liam comes in, fussing over what has to be at least 10 bags of luggage and he's not sure if he should help or not but it gives him something to do that isn't just waiting. "Thanks," Liam breathes a sigh of relief as Harry takes the few he knows are Zayn's. "Yeah, course, erm is he...?" He glances over at Liam from where he's putting the bags in the cubby. "Yeah, Louis just took him to the loo, probably to fuss over him and make sure he's not being he usual miserable self," Liam chuckles.

Harry nods and okay. This is good. He has a little more time to take a breather and think about what he's going to say even if had spent the better part of the night practicing over and over. "Jesus, you look just as bad as him," Liam says lightheartedly as he flops down in the seat next to Harry's. Harry gives him a look because one; just because he's been pushed into this plan doesn't mean he's alright with Liam and two; that is Zayn's seat. "Don't worry, I'm only taking a breather, I'll move back to mine once we're able to hear Louis." Harry doesn't care what Liam's saying anymore, he just, he needs to get this right. He needs Zayn to see and know that Harry can hardly breathe without him.

"You know, I normally wouldn't go along with Louis's plans," Liam starts with a yawn. "But Louis's convinced you're whats good for Zaynie boy and well, Louis's usually really good with things like that - seeing through people and all that." Harry's eyebrows pulling together, "Are you saying you don't think I'm good for Zayn?" Harry's torn between being upset with Liam because who does he think he is but that's also the second part, Liam's Zayn's best friend, he probably knows him better than anyone and that worries Harry because if Liam doesn't think he's good enough for Zayn then maybe Zayn will think that too which would be completely accurate but Harry couldn't take that denial, not again.

"I'm saying I've seen my best mate get hurt a lot and yes he might have a big part in that but I've also seen him get absolutely shattered by someone not too far from who you are Harry and Louis and I spent months putting him back together or at least trying, even after that he wasn't fully back together, he had this part of him missing, this part that made him Zayn, ya know?" Harry nods though he's not entirely sure if does. "You can see why as a best friend I'd be a bit wary, however, I see it now. Louis was the one that pointed it out, and I see it now after these past few days." Harry's absolutely confused now and he can hear what he thinks is Louis coming closer so he kind of wants Liam to get on with it.

"I hadn't seen it when you two were together, or well, doing whatever it is you two were doing, but once you were out of the picture it was such a drastic change that it was hard not to see." Harry's on edge now because  _what the hell is Liam on about_  and  _oh god that is Louis_ , and he's so much closer now. "See, you don't have anything to worry about Harry because you did it. You fixed Zayn completely. You made him, him again, not even Jake could do that and I don't think Louis or I could thank you enough for that. And I see it now, you were what was missing all along, and that's why I went along with this plan. Because there's no one better for Zayn than you." Harry's breathless and a little dizzy with the absolute highest compliment he thinks he could ever possibly get.

Liam pats his knee and sends him a wink before sparing a glance at the two boys now walking in with an angry looking flight attendant behind them then heads back to his seat. Harry can't breathe, he can barely even think straight as his eyes land on the tanned boy grumbling and batting Louis's hands away from where they're trying to sort him out. " _Louis_ ," he huffs annoyed and Harry smiles loving that with his accent Louis's name always sounds like 'Loueh' and Harry's 'Harreh' and god did he miss that voice. "Alright, alright," Louis puts his hands up in surrender and sends Harry a small grin looking a bit giddy. Zayn looks at Louis curiously then follows his gaze to meet the haunting green eyes that have been all Zayn's been able to see at night.

Harry's heart goes into over-drive, going so fast he's sure he's about to have a heart attack and shit no no no Harry isn't ready, he doesn't know what he's going to say, everything he's practiced now gone as he meets those honey brown pools. Zayn's heart flutters in his chest and he inches forward a bit but quickly stops himself, sending Louis a glare with no real threat because Harry's here. Harry's literally only a few rows away from him and he isn't just dreaming,  _Harry's here._  "What the hell is this?" Harry hears Zayn mutter to Louis and that sets him back even further. He hadn't really thought about Zayn not wanting to see him partly because  _he_  really wanted to see Zayn and partly because Louis and Liam had promised Zayn wanted to see him just as much.

"Don't know what you're on about," Louis shrugs nonchalant. "You know," Zayn narrows his eye at him as they get ushered toward their seats. "Switch seats with me, I am not sitting with him." Zayn honestly isn't even angry he's just scared he'll give in before he even gets to shout at Harry. "With who?" Louis says casually. "Oh. Harry, fancy seeing you here, what are the odds you'd have the same flight again." Harry smiles with a nod, worriedly looking over Zayn's clear signs of distress. Louis pats Zayn's shoulder and Zayn grabs his arm as he goes to turn away. "Just listen." And with that, Louis is off whispering to Liam in their seats a few rows back.

Zayn stands there awkwardly until the flight attendant is huffing about how he and Louis nearly set them behind schedule so could he  _please_  just take his seat already so they can get this flight over with. Harry sends Zayn a soft smile when the seat belt sign is on in hopes to ease Zayn's plane fear and maybe even some of the tension that's built around them. Louis throws a few nuts at Harry's head once they're up in the air and the seat belt sign is off, giving Harry a  _What are you doing?! Hurry up!_  when he turns around to chuck the nuts back at him. Zayn wants to say something but what do you say to someone that built you up only to knock you back down? He also curses Louis for taking his earphones before they'd gotten on this stupid plane.

And because he's angry, because Harry isn't saying anything, he counts to 10 then turns in his seat so Harry can see. So he can how absolutely gutted Zayn is, and it's his fault. "You hurt me a hell of a lot you know," Zayn mutters. Harry's heart falls and he just, he can't remember what he practiced. "I spent a better part of today thinking about all the ways you could have showed and how relieved I would have been, but I was wrong. I was  _so_  wrong. Because there was a very important part I like to forget, that being you don't care. You don't care that you've fully and completely broken me down and I just.. I don't even know where to begin to fix it. I can't because all I see and all I fucking think about is you. You and your stupid fucking jokes and your stupid eyes and your stupid stupid promise." Zayn takes a breath because he's not going to cry. He isn't a crier. He doesn't do that.

"Zayn-" "I'm not finished, when were you planning on telling me it was all bullshit Harry? When I let you slip in?" The venom in Zayn's voice makes Harry chest tighten, his eyebrows creasing, mouth frowning, eyes stinging with tears because that's not fair and he just needs Zayn to  _stop_. "Zayn will you please-" "Honestly Harry, what were planning on waiting til I asked you to move in? Til you got bored? Found a better fuck?" And  _god_  can Zayn just  _shut up_. Harry doesn't think about it, just leans in and presses his lips to Zayn's. It's short and does exactly what it was supposed to do, get Zayn to stop talking.

"Yes I said that to Niall but that was before anything happened Zayn, you have to understand that. I was an idiot and thought if I said it I wouldn't have to deal with what any of it meant. If i'm being honest, I knew the night I told Niall that it wasn't that. It's so much more and I need you to know that. It's ridiculous but you've become the most important thing in my life in the little 3 weeks we've spent together. Now tell me that isn't scary. Tell me it wouldn't terrify you if you've never been with a boy and suddenly ones become your whole world." Harry's voice cracks and Zayn doesn't know what to say, he's honestly still a little drunk off the small kiss Harry'd just given him.

"I knew then and I knew as I watched you get in that cab that you were forever engraved into my life. For christ sakes Zayn I've hardly been able to function without you. I've seem to forgotten how I even got on before you and I know you don't like big gestures like this but dammit Zayn Malik, I'm so completely and utterly far gone for you that I can't seem to do without you." "What?" Zayn can barely get it out, eyes wide. Harry runs his fingers through his grown-out curls and gives a lop-sided smile. "I think I love you Zayn Malik." "Don't." Zayn shakes his head because no. Harry can't say that. He can't say that because it isn't fair. "Look, I don't know what kind of experience you've had with straight boys but  _I've_  heard they're absolute twats," Harry grins a cross between smug and playful. "Good thing you don't have to worry about that." Harry adds and Zayn's feeling light headed.

"Harry," Zayn starts, sitting back a bit because he can't do this. He can't do this if Harry's not 100% positive about it. "I know Zayn. In fact, I don't just think i'm in love with you, I am so completely in love with you and everything you do I wouldn't even know how to begin to love anyone else." "Harry," Zayn's squeaking now because when the fuck did Harry get so sure about things? Who the hell is this confident boy thats taken the place of Zayn's shy little kitten? Maybe Zayn  _is_  getting that grand gesture at the end of those stupid movies, and maybe he's okay with that. "Always right?" Harry beams. Zayn can't help it, he launches forward attacking Harry's lips with his own. They both smile and laugh against the kiss when Louis shouts encouragingly.

Zayn pulls back just enough to mumble against Harry's lips, "Always."   


~  


Zayn Malik started the day as he normally did; slowly and lazily blinking awake to the sun peeking through the light colored curtains his curly haired boyfriend had picked out, hitting the breathtaking boy in the most loveliest way. He's never been a morning person but he's seemed to take on that role now that the first thing he gets to see is the paled boy, chestnut curls a mess atop his head, lashes fluttered across his sleep-rosy cheeks and pink lips parted in the slightest bit. He gets up to set the kettle and pop in some toast, listening as Harry's alarm goes off for his usual morning run.

Zayn watches from the kitchen - as he always does - as Harry slowly wakes, groaning and stretching and checking his phone before finally hauling himself from the comfort of Zayn's duvet. He's still naked from last night and Zayn calls out a wolf whistle, Harry's cheeks immediately going bright pink as he sends Zayn a lazy smile and shaking his head bashfully. Zayn loves that he can still get that reaction from Harry even after their months of dating. "Back views even nicer," Zayn sends a wink as Harry looks back over his shoulder. " _Stop_ ," Harry whines in his rough morning voice with a laugh on his way to the bathroom.

With nothing to look at, Zayn gets his tea made and butters his toast. Harry comes out just as he's finished, dressed and ready for his run. "Why would you  _choose_  to wake up this early to run?" Zayn's never understood it, he just could never imagine what he'd get out of that. "Why would you choose to wake up this early to watch me go?" Harry counters as he takes a sip of Zayn's warm tea. "Besides, have to stay fit for my boyfriend right?" Harry adds with a wink. "If you mean for sex purposes," Zayn grins taking his tea back. "Definitely not for that, he's hardly a challenge," Harry gives a goofy smile as he goes over to pull his shoes on. "You're not funny," Zayn grumbles. "Who says I was trying to be?" Harry smirks, walking back over to Zayn.

Zayn rolls his eyes and Harry gives a boyish giggle, nudging Zayn's nose with his own before catching his lips in a sweet soft kiss.

"So I was thinking," Zayn says after they've pulled away and Harry's reached over to steal one of the toast that Zayn secretly made for him anyway. "Oh yeah?" Harry hums, reaching for Zayn's mug of tea. "Yeah," Zayn starts, handing Harry his mug. "And uh, well, you've been here for like a week already-" Harry's quick to interrupt with a pout, "Are you kicking me out?" Zayn shakes his head a bit frantically. "The opposite actually," he sates and Harry gives him a look of confusion. "I mean you spend most days here anyway, why not, like, stay." Zayn's not good at this he decides. He's never had to ask anyone to move in with him, Jake just kinda left things there but they'd never officially declared him living there and everyone else never got that serious.

"Stay?" Harry repeats with his eyebrows raised. "Yeah, like, I dunno," Zayn sighs and Harry's lips twist into a small smile. "Zayn, are you asking me to move in with you?" Zayn shrugs, "It's not a big deal Harry, you practically live here already." Zayn almost laughs at how ironic that sentence is as he was so worried before that Harry would think of it as that and now he's the one saying it.

Harry's beaming because this is a big deal even if he does basically live here already. He likes to leave things each time he comes, he likes to think they're a reminder to Zayn that he's still here even when he's not - which is hardly ever.

"This is huge!" Harry all but squeals and Zayn chuckles. "I mean there's not much to bring but yeah, yes, of course I'll stay." "Good." Zayn nods, his smile matching that of Harry's. Harry's his giddy smiley self as he presses a hard kiss to Zayn's lip then he's a babbling mess about  _I have to call Niall_ and  _no wait maybe I should call my mum_  and  _no no no definitely should call the movers first I don't like your couch so we'll definitely need to have mine brought over_  then he's grabbing his phone saying something about needing Louis to help him pack all his things because he'll be more help than anyone which Zayn completely agrees with.

Zayn watches with an amused smile, sipping his tea blissfully as Harry starts planning what things will go where, sticking sticky notes all over the place as labels and goes to the closet and drawers gasping when he realizes Zayn's already set places up for him and Zayn can 100% without a doubt in his mind say that this is good. Thia is what he wants. That this boy has his heart and he's glad he does, he can't think of a better place to keep it safe.

By the time Harry's tired himself out and has long forgotten his morning run Zayn's laid out in bed,  _their bed_ , and Harry flops down next to him with a huff. "All done?" Zayn chuckles. "I think so, we'll have to go shopping though there's hardly anything in your kitchen and like to add a few things to the house if that's alright." Zayn smiles, pulling at one of Harry's curls, kissin his cheek with a, "Course kitten, s'your house too now."

Zayn watches as Harry smile at the ceiling for a moment before he looks over at Zayn with a lazy grin and a certain sparkle in his eye and Zayn still can't believe he gets the privilege of calling Harry his all because of some stupid pointless holiday that was meant to get his mind off some meaningless break up that he wasn't all that hung up about in the first place.

"Always," Harry whispers barely audible as he scoots closer, his lips barely brushing against Zayn's like he's waiting for it. Zayn smiles, wordlessly sealing his side of the promise with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoyed writing this story, hopefully you enjoyed reading, might make this a mini series, might start something completely new, who knows. If you have any comments, suggestions, or want to know what my next work will be come say hi on [tumblr](http://nicotine-annd-faded-dreams.tumblr.com/). (:


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